Tags
depression, life in the meadow, lifestyle, marriage, Mental Health, Security, stress, The Contrarian
Okay, so life has been a little stressful lately. Well, a lot stressful. It may surprise you, but when two people live together 24/7, it can get a bit dicey sometimes. Love can only take you so far ya know.
At the center of our misery is the Bronco. A full week and nearly one-half later, and it still sits without real brakes.
You have to understand the country town mechanic to get this. They tend to be rather strange, loner individuals. They work on their own schedules, and they don’t much need the work.
So we keep getting pushed down the line. Plus he wants us to leave it there, and that means finding a ride. And our ride’s phone is out. (we can drive with what are called “mechanical brakes” which work but aren’t shall we say giving you the “stop on a dime” capability.
So, we, the Contrarian and I and having our stress issues.
And, shockingly, we don’t handle it the same way. I am (typically?) female. I wanna talk it out. I am also a bit of a pessimist, which is good, since I’m usually the one who is right, things always go bad most of the time. I have depressive tendencies, and so I pout, look morose, and snap at people and animals.
The Contrarian is male. He likes to ruminate. He doesn’t want to talk. He likes to handle his stress and depression with diversionary behavior.
To me, it looks like doesn’t care much about the issue of the bronco. He is constantly looking at me and asking “is something wrong?”
Something????? Yeah, how bout everything, I scream silently. I seethed, and wonder what planet is he on. I then punish him by saying, “No, not a thing.” And go back to cursing the day I met him.
I wait for him to tell me what he now plans. He never offers. I wait. I seethed, I curse.
He sits. And sits. But he is ruminating. And as he now tells me, he finds himself at times like this when his plan has gone awry, in a frozen state. He becomes inactive. Until finally he is able to work out another plan. Until then, he is silent.
I can understand that. Now that I know.
I explain. I never had much insecurity as a child. There were never any discussions about not having enough of anything. There were no discussions about putting off this purchase until some bills were paid.
When I left home as an adult, financial security was prime with me. I usually maintained it very well. I like options. I like agreed upon alternative plans. I like security.
I know, I know. Security is illusory, and if only fundamentalists got this, the world would be a better place. Security is not humanity’s lot in life. Never has been and never will be. Until we can defy death (believers of course excluded), we will always be insecure.
But I mean the normal kind of security. The common sense planning that we all do, or should, to ensure that we can survive. The tornado shelter, the savings account, that sort of thing.
Living in the meadow has made me feel very insecure. Weather has the power to dictate when I can leave it and when not. We have only one operative vehicle. Things like that make me insecure.
Apparently such things don’t much bother the Contrarian. Security is a certain amount of insulation from the world that I am finding increasingly hard to bear all the time. Solitude seems to make him comfortable, while I have started to find it more stifling.
Weird how two people can live together for eleven plus years, and still find so much they do not understand about each other.
We are in a better place today. We have talked it out. We understand each others ways of dealing with high drama stress better. I know he’s not just ignoring problems. He knows my bad moods reflect worry. We can be kinder and gentler to each other.
It makes me wonder if other married or long-term partnered people find new things about their other after years of being together. It was a bit of a shock to me, finding out a couple of things my Contrarian divulged. No doubt he got a surprise at some of my interior mechanisms.
Are we weird? Or what?
Related Articles
- 15 Ways to Stop Obsessing (beliefnet.com)
- Does Your Personality Make You Stressed? (lifescript.com)
- How to Deal with Stress (socyberty.com)
- What is Rumination Syndrome? (brighthub.com)
All I can say, Sherry, is thanks. My man and I are in a funk right now … dog-days of August and all that. Neither of us is talking at the moment about what’s bugging us … Two introverts will do that … You know, we always think about riding out the rough times — the high seas; the bashing waves; the bitter winds. We also have to ride out the ebb tides … when everything seems withered and decaying … when nourishment and movement are badly needed to start shaking things up again.
Sometimes (like today) it’s just a pain in the ass, waiting these things out …
And yes, there are always mysteries, enigmas and just plain WTFs in everyone. We can never plumb all the depths of another person … or ourselves.
Riding it out … riding it out …
xoxo
I suffer from sameness, interminable sameness of days. Yet I am more scheduled than people who have very busy lives. It’s a paradox I constantly wonder about. The Contrarian on the other hand is utterly at home with unending sameness. Go figure.
Blessings to you and yours.
That’s life!.
People find out important things about someone close after decades, even 50 years.
Best to Appreciate the Positives; Few Do!
You’ve got One car working out of 2; Am awaiting Tuesday Free used 1994 Donated Car from Catholic Ministry.
I have the Totally Ideal Catholic Church Attitudes, inspirations, Wisdoms, and living Christ to prevent worries. And I have great friends, even outside Church; 6 Ministries, love Nature, envy you guys living on Farm. (Even in Iowa).
Ever count your Blessings? I just did a FEW, with reasons for.
A clue: Been researching local Catholic High Schools for an interdenominational/New Age Couple with 7th Grade Daughter; they want Best High School, and Morality teaching, not available in Public Schools. What’s available is Stunningly ideal:
– Visitation Academy in Georgetown DC was Started in 1799 <<<< as Girl's Prep School. Now very Excusive. 100% College attendee Graduates. My Sister attended there.
All 6 other Catholic High Schools nearby all Superior Academics, And Sports achievements, And Career Starters! Non-Denominational requirements, Superior Results, in Graduate Attitudes.
Most have some young, even Doctoral Sisters teaching, or Principal.
All Local and my Alma Mater Catholic High Schools are flooded with many more Applications than they can handle.
And my Attitude, Outlook are Direct Result of mty Catholic Education : Unbiased, all-positive, highly Knowledgeable, Respectful of all.
Fair Joker, too :).
I’m glad nothing ever gets you down Tony. I know tons of Catholics and other religious and non. Most suffer from adversity equally I think. One certainly finds great solace in Jesus and religious ritual and prayer. Otherwise for me it might get intolerable. I find that a blessing indeed. Most people through God’s grace can accept more adversity than they would think. Yet, we still are in pain when things are rough. We ache for our loved ones who suffer. I do indeed count my blessings. I would expect that all faithfilled people are able to recognize that. Otherwise there wouldn’t be many people on earth at all.
Yes, the counting of blessings despite all … that’s a saving grace … and a sane choice … Today my blessings include fresh wild blueberries; peaches; local green beans … My two cats, who never fail to make me giggle and feel all smushy. My friends … who mean more to me than I can say. Cicaidas buzzing in the trees. Blue, blue sky. A fresh cup of chai with cocoa and honey … The list is endless, really … I could go on and on …
Sherry, your blog is one of my blessings 🙂
Oh thanks so very much Jaliya. I treasure many things as well. It is always good to remember them.