I was reading an article in the Boston Globe today, realized that I had never really talked much about how the Contrarian and I met and married.
We first met via the Internet, a process that now comprises something like 22% of all heterosexual relationships.
In our case, it was not via such things as EHarmony or other similar dating sites. A few of those were around, but they were as I recall, pretty much self-entry kind of places. Free of charge.
Most interactions occurred by a device called mIRC, knows as Internet Relay Chat. You entered rooms and spot to whomever about whatever. But we did not meet that way, though we used it as a tool for better communication during our “courting.”
I don’t know if there were such faces as Facebook back then, in the last century, 1998, to be exact. But if there was, it was off my radar and his as well. We didn’t meet that way either.
No we met via the “news groups.” I think they still exist, though I haven’t look at them in years. It was part of you e-mail process and you looked up hobbies or interests you had, and subscribed. People left messages, and you responded or wrote your own.
I was living in Connecticut at the time, and the Contrarian was here in Iowa. He had been a long user of newsgroups, but for me, it was fairly a new thing. I’m not sure how I found it or even heard about it.
There were plenty of men seeking women, and so forth, and I posted on a women seeking men. I made it clear I was looking for a long-term relationship, would relocate, and general information about me, age, education, and so forth.
The Contrarian responded with a lengthy e-mail about himself. We began to write back and forth for a few days, and felt very quickly that we had found something significant in each other. We made plans quickly for me to visit him.
I had a number of online friends (men mostly), from IRC, many whom I had met. I left them the pertinent information and flew off to Iowa on February 1, 1999, only about two months after we had started communicating.
I arrived in O’Hare in the early morning, and was supposed to connect with a flight into Eastern Iowa Airport. Fog was my nemesis. I spent the day in the airport and finally got a bus late in the day. I arrived very tired somewhere around 9 pm that night. Not an auspicious beginning.
But within a few days, we felt very sure of “Us” and I notified my moving company to set a date for packing me up. I returned three weeks later to Connecticut, and the Contrarian followed by plane about two weeks later.
Oddly, he got snowed in in Chicago, and ended up on a different flight. I too had to wait a good while for his flight to arrive.
We left Connecticut by car on March 16, arriving back in Iowa on the 17th. And well, that about says all there is to say. We married in September of that year, and are now approaching our eleventh anniversary this September.
Telling people, early on, of our method of meeting, usually brought some stares and some “wows”. Most people had tales to tell of Internet meetings going awry, and the media usually reported stories of dead women who had gone off to meet serial killers.
Plenty of folks gave us that “look” that said, “it will never last.” You can’t build a relationship over a computer! And truthfully, I knew a couple of such relationships that had gone sour after some months. But I suspect that the statistics are pretty much the same as the more “normal” means of meeting.
Clearly, people aren’t afraid of this method any more. I’m not sure it’s better than other methods of meeting people. Smart people I think find it an easier medium to fess up the truth about yourself. After all, you can only communicate by mail and phone so long. There is no point in lying about things that will be discovered at meeting. But then, perhaps some thing that by then the person might care enough to ignore the extra poundage or the lesser stature. I’m not sure.
All I can say is it worked for us.
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My husband and I also met online before it was fashionable! This was on Match.com, though; he had been a member for about a year, and I was on my one-week free trial. Worked out great for me — cheaper than a personal ad! We only lived about six miles from each other, but because of our work lives and social circles, we probably would never have met had it not been for the internet. Had our tenth anniversary in March.
I think it’s not only an easier way to “fess up” about yourself, but it also gives you a way to gauge how the other person expresses him/herself, without all the flirtation and nonsense.
wow blisterina, guess we are much the same in that respect. Didn’t cost us a dime either, since the newsgroups are free. Funny how reading e-mails, you get such a good sense about people. I weeded out a dozen other replies automatically, and knew this guy was was worth pursuing. I remain convinced that you learn about people faster this way than by direct meeting. Most dates are most 3 hours at best, and then a week goes by…or two…takes forever! lol..
back when I married computers were still a new thing and very few people had them in their homes let alone used them to meet folks…I think it was even before the “You’ve Got Mail” days….
But I love this story of your beginning and that you’ve made a life togther. awesome! congratulations!
It was certainly considered odd in those days. But I met a goodly number of men over the years, and never had a bad experience. Some were not what they portrayed, I’ll grant you, but all were still nice. Many of us were meeting in those days, and we did take precautions by alerting others of where we were going and the real name and address of folks we were meeting. I know it can be dangerous, but as I said, I never had a bad experience.
I’m such a romantic. I love a good how we met story.
I know what you mean Lisa. There are no doubt lots of interesting tales of meetings in submarines and psych wards! lol…
Great story! Before the days of the internet of course there were the personal ads (same fears of meeting serial killers as I recall). My half-sister and brother-in-law met via a personal ad he had placed in a magazine catering to intellectual types. It worked out well for them – they’re married 28 years this year!
My most recent tale of someone meeting via the internet is a friend of ours whose significant other (not married but living together for a number of years now) and she met on Match.com. But the real clincher was they had mutual friends who used to be my friend’s neighbors across the street! Kismet!
I think people can meet in all kinds of ways and all kinds of places and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. My husband and I met in a bar! But we knew someone in common too.
Maui, exactly right I think. There are no rules as to what works best. Certain types perhaps feel more comfortable in the Internet mode, others definitely would only want a face to face intro. The desire to mate seems unstoppable against any obstacle it seems. That’s a very evolutionary thing I guess.
Love it, Sherry. Congrats!! mIRC and Nwesgroups… You date us. 🙂
lol…I guess so!
ya know…. that’s a pretty neato story. I met my ex in a taxi cab. I was the driver. It didn’t work out…. but then…. life is not fare.
You are Soooooo lucky I was not drinking coffee when I read that. I would have spirted it all over the screen!