First offer’s, I just want you to know that I take no offense that hardly anybody has been very talkative the past coupla weeks. And you have been vacationing no doubt and not stopping by as you should. I just want ya to know, that I have worked my fingas to the bone collecting all this humorous stuff for your amusement and to keep anyone from driving off that cliff. Not to make you feel beholden or guilty or nuthin”; I’m a martyr by profession. *wink* J/K and all that rot.
So for all of you who like a bit of nasty yucks, hard humor I call it, visit our dear friend Vodkaandgroundbeef, as she shows us what’s it’s like to be her seat mate on a flight to San Fran. I betcha it will make you look twice before YOU sit down on your next flight.
If taking over the world is more your style, then buzz on over to Writer’s Block and Cappy for some sure fire tips on how to go about that little task. Writer’s block is another new blog that I’ve recently found and am enjoying, for it’s refined humor.
Jan of Yearning for God has a cute little cartoon on procrastination which is right up my alley. I don’t have an alley, literally speaking and am not sure what a figurative one would look like, but it sounds like bathroom humor to me, and we don’t do that here—much.
I’m fixin’ to head over to 1000 Shitty Things when I am done taking care of your psyches today. I have a post in mind entitled either Tasting Your Toes, or Toes are Better With Salsa. I leave it to you to figure out what it may be about. So look for it.
A couple of recipes. A really nice New Orleans Barbecue Shrimp recipe. Find it at Uncommon Artistic Endeavors.
And here is the recipe for the 7-grain bread I made yesterday which turned out quite well, and tasted very good, and will make a pretty darn good sandwich bread. It has some definite quirks which can be applied to other recipes and I think they are important developments in the art of bread baking.
7 Grain Bread
Start with 1 ¼ c 7-grain hot cereal mix (you do not need all the various flours!) Add 2 ½ c boiling water and mix. Let sit for a good hour to cool it down to 100°. Then: mix together ¼c melted butter, cooled, ¼c honey, and 2 ½ tsp. yeast. Add that to the cooled cereal Add 7 ½ oz. or approx. 1 ½ c whole wheat flour Add 15 oz. or approx. 3 c all purpose flour Best to do this in a heavy duty mixer. Blend until just blended. Drop the kneading hook into the dough and cover the top with saran wrap and leave for 20 minutes. (This is the new thing. Apparently this allows the gluten to start working and cuts down the kneading time hugely. It thus makes the bread more tender.) Now add 1 TBSP of salt and kneed for 3-4 minutes. Dough will be sticky but pull away from the bowl (Kneed on medium speed). The dough is heavy and so you must have a KitchenAid or other heavy duty machine or else very strong arms.) Add, if you wish ¾ c pumpkin seeds and mix a bit, and then turn out and hand kneed until the seeds seem fairly distributed. Put into greased bowl, make sure top of dough is oiled and then cover and let rise until doubled. (a good hour or more depending on the house temp) Turn out on floured work surface and divide in half. Shape into two loaves. you can oil it and roll in oatmeal of not. I did and it all fell off after baking when you slice it, so I won’t bother again. Place in greased pans and let rise until double. Test by pressing gently on the dough. If it remains depressed, continue to let rise. When it bounces back, its fully extended. Heat over to 375º. Spray water on the loaves and place in over for 35-40 minutes. Internal temp should be 200°. Cool on racks.
When I make this again, I’ll omit the oatmeal and probably the pumpkin seeds. I didn’t let mine rise quite enough before baking and I think I should have remembered to check the internal temp, which I did not, and they seemed a bit more doughy than they probably should have. Still it was marvelous and I used it this morning for toast. Very nice. I froze one.
The main point here is letting the dough rest after the initial mix which is really a new concept. They also did a dinner roll recipe which I will try next and if it is as good, I’ll give you that one too. Both are from Cooks, their new TV show.
Oh, and the other main idea is to always keep the surface of the dough lubricated so that the rising will continue. You don’t want it to dry out. That’s also why you mist it with H2O before putting it in the oven, so the last yahoo of rising from the oven heat will be able to lift it even higher until the top dries and hardens.
And this last from my good friend Carolyn:
The Light Turned Yellow
> The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
> stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light
> by accelerating through the intersection.
> The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in
> frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
> dropping her cell phone and makeup.
> As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
> into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her
> to exit her car with her hands up.
> He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
> photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
> After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the
> door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting
> officer was waiting with her personal effects.
> He said, ”I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind
> your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front
> of you
> and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’
> bumper sticker, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and
>the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally….
>I assumed you had stolen the car.”