Stubbing Your Toe

Tags

Humor, short stories

It lurks, it waits, it always strikes when you are going some where. At night, during the day, never in the same place twice.

Bam!!!

Suddenly you see stars, your brain is on fire, every rational thought exits your mind and you are consumed in the searing pain second only to childbirth, of stubbing your toe.

No toe is safe.

The range of damage is anywhere from actual breakage to a couple of minutes of excruciating agony with no visible damage. But the psychic harm, now that is another thing. It lingers, making us fearful for days.

We can do it twice in a week, and then not for two years. We cannot prepare for it, or guard against it. Only the bed bound are relatively safe. It’s a perk of paralysis, one of the few ones no doubt.

We can’t resort to “watching where we are going” because that just endangers the other end of our anatomy, the head. There is thus no way of growing more proficient in avoiding it.

We have to trust in the gods, karma, or good luck to see us through.

Our reactions? Oh that’s where true individuality comes in. Some hop on one foot, pointing in despair. Others screech unintelligibly. Others curse all manner of things, including the female who bore them. Others are stoic, gritting teeth and suppressing any sound–these are all anal retentives of course. Women cry, and men suck it up, aware that this still isn’t as bad as testicular assaults.

I like to watch someone who has stubbed their toe, and when they are coherent enough to hear me, I tell them, that “gee, just think of how many more times that will happen in your lifetime?” This is not met with the amusement I hoped would offset their pain. Instead I usually get some things said that are not appropriate to relate here.

But admit it, secretly, you and I are ever so glad it was the other guy and not us.

The first time it happens, we have lost our innocence. No more belief in a benign world. No, we learn the ugly truth–nature is out to get us, or at least the idiot who moved the chair to a new location. Reason enough to NEVER engage in re-arranging furniture!

So, see? Your day isn’t so bad, unless that is, you have stubbed your toe. In that case, well, we sympathize, we really do, but we are glad it was you and not us. It hasn’t happened to me today–so far.

**add your fun stories of stubbings if you have a mind to! We can all use the laugh.

Searching for the Middle

Tags

Iowa, life in the meadow

Sometimes life seems like a tightrope. We just try to keep in balance and not fall off.

I spent most of the night sitting in the dark watching the storms move through our meadow. I decided it was no longer profitable to obsess about the weather and whether I can get in or out.

Mother nature tends to turn a deaf ear to me. I guess she has better things to do. We are “mudded” in and will be for a good week, assuming we get no more rain. Rain is predicted for four days next week, so that is unlikely. We got at minimum another three inches last night.

Bear is scared of thunder. Brandy sleeps right on through. The boy cats run for cover with each clap. Our girl cat, Kate, walks unconcernedly by as I squeak out a yelp as one snaps right before my very eyes. Go figure.

Let go and let God. I’m not so very good at that. I like to control things, manipulate them. It makes me feel secure. Intellectually, of course, I know there is no such thing as security. But I try for it anyway. It’s this alien ego person who thinks they are me. They worry about all kinds of things. Like Martha. I’m more a Martha than a Mary, though I fashion myself a Mary.

So, we are back here in the meadow and will be for some time. We appear to have used our surge protector last night. It’s toast today. Done it’s job. Thankfully, some rewiring and we have phone and obviously computer again. Would be a bit bleak without the old computer. So, one counts one’s blessings. Count, count, count. Don’t count the yuck crap. Don’t see if the scales balance.

Balance is good, but not between blessings and curses. I’m not happy with balance there. So I don’t wanna add it all up.

I’ve been working on background wall paper for the blog. I think what is up now is still too dark. I’m still looking for the right one. I have plenty of time, so I should succeed.

You may note a new item on the menu. 1000 Shitty Things? It’s meant to be a spoof or parody on the famous one. It’s a new website and if you double click it will take you there. I’ll do the first entry sometime today.

Please don’t think it’s some downer thing. It’s meant to be amusing and a place where you can relate to the “life’s little foibles” that we all endure. Hopefully it will put your day in perspective, and you can at say, “at least THAT didn’t happen to me today.” Share your recall of when it did if you like.

I’ll post as I come up with a cute one that I can frame with some humor. As I said, I’m optimistic that I can think of a thousand. 😛

So bookmark it or insert in your reader. I don’t expect to post every day on it, as I said. So be on the lookout!

Hope you are drier than I am! Onward soldier! Ew, I hate military jargon. The Contrarian loves to quote the Duke: “Lace ’em up tight, soldier!”

Okay, so I’m wandering. I’m light-headed, being unburdened of all this care of the weather. It affects me concentration. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Balance people, balance!