Let’s face facts. There is precious little that is good about getting old. We put on a brave front of course, we claim we are just excited as all get out to play golf and lounge on the veranda. We are lying.
Youth is wasted on the young. Every older person knows this. It’s one of the ironies of life. You don’t get how to “do” living until you are near the end of life. One of God’s little jokes.
A very young person, with a very old soul, said something profound today on a piece looking at the effect of being “short” on children’s development. The kid was short, thirteen, and only five foot. His dad was a giant, being nearly 6’8″ but his mom was only five foot. His dad had spent a lot of time infusing him with lots of self-esteem, making height merely a fact, and not a defining one.
The profound statement? He said, “In the end, the only person you have to live with is yourself.” Meaning that he was not pushed to be what others expected of him. He only had to satisfy what he expected of himself. Profound no? True? Yes.
That may be the only thing that’s good about aging. We finally release all that crap about living up to other’s expectations. We, as children try mightily to be who and what our parents express as “good.” We try, some of us try for years, well into adulthood. Others of us, at some point, take the opposite tack, trying to be exactly other than our parents desire. In that we are usually as untrue to ourselves as when we struggled to be as they wished.
We try to be as our peers suggest we should be, and then as our teachers, then the opposite of that, then as our bosses, as our romantic encounters dictate, and, well, you see we seem to always try to be what others expect. Sometimes we impose upon ourselves standards we perceive as good or proper. We become Martha Stewart.
I guess age makes us tired at some point. We no longer can manage to lift the banner of what is expected on a given day, and we start to be authentic. Younger folks call us eccentric. Yeah, eccentric all right. No, I’m just tired of pretending that high heels are a shoe of choice. They are what they are, torture devices, and as an adult finally I see them as they are and discard such violent pain as fashion.
Of course, not all of us have that aha moment. Some of us, for whatever reason stay mired in being what is expected. No doubt financial considerations can apply. Keeping a job can be essential and so meeting workplace expectations may still override our general disgust at putting on the facade each day.
We are like aging entertainers who enter the safety of bedroom and pull off the girdles, the wigs, the eyelashes, and all the other accoutrements that serve to uphold the “image.” We are left a sagging weary body, now encased in an flannel pj’s and ragged robe. We shuffle in our slippers and we rub aching muscles.
Not a pretty picture? No. But some of us remain caught in the illusion that somehow we can stave off the inevitable. Sooner or later we become caricatures of ourselves. We can be found all over Florida and Arizona.
Others of us, well, we see it all for what it is, and we say enough. I’m getting old, I’m into comfort not only in the confines of my room, but out in the big world where all those kids reside. But I’m at peace. I’m me. I’m sagging, and greying, and I’m pudging too much. But I’m not concerned about that. I have better things to do. I’m not out to snag any trophy spouse any more. I am not vying for some top plum job in your corporation.
I, you see, have only to live with me. And, there I will not make any more compromises. I don’t need to. We are fitted in her quite tightly, and there is no room for all the wigs and girdles. I have room for books and yarns and recipes, and walking sticks, and binoculars to see my bird friends up close. I have room for wonder and awe, and peace, and quiet, and music and beauty, and thinking.
I have room for opinions, and I don’t care if you don’t share them, though I am happy to have a civilized discussion on points where we differ. I am unafraid to stand up and be counted. I would have no qualms in telling a Dick Cheney or a Dubya, a few choice remarks should our paths cross.
As I said, youth is wasted on the young. I have all the ideas in the world, but far less time than I used to to execute them. I suffer fools less willingly. I have no truck with stupid at all. I try to be kind, because I know how much it can mean to another, yet I can’t have stupid people wasting what time I have left. So, I may appear from time to time, short, and direct, cold in fact in my laser assessments. That’s what you call eccentric. You smirk, shake your head, and of course never think it will happen to you.
News? It will. You should be so lucky to get to my age. That’s what I say. What brought this forth? Oh, nothing, just in six weeks, a new birthday. . . . and a six figures prominently. Who would have thunk I would be . . .well, I can’t even say it quite yet. But damn, I’m authentic. Just ask me, and I’ll tell you. You bet I will.
What an incredible post. I am currently just beginning my “adulthood” but I think the reason this time in our lives passes so fast is because everyone is constantly worried about what they have to change about themselves to be socially accepted rather than being themselves. I think children definitely feel pressure from their parents as they are growing up, but honestly I think there is much more pressure coming from the people around me. I remember thinking when I was younger that a girl in my class had the best eyes, and I actually considered getting colored contacts (I don’t even wear glasses) to get eyes like her. I hate that I spent a good deal of my life trying to be like everyone else. I love being different now, I embrace it.
how wonderful for you ljenni…I would encourage you to maintain your personal integrity. Oddly I recall an older girl I thought was beautiful, and I longed for her incredible blue eyes when I was a teenager! I agree that peer pressure becomes ever so much stronger than parental.
The Internet I think serves to show all the “different” people that they are not really so alone. We are all “others” in some ways. And I agree, embrace your individuality–it will serve you well as you age.
Well, this year is my older adulthood–> I’ll be 60 in only eight months! That is certainly a shock of reality. . . .
lol Jan…its hard to believe that I have reached this milestone. Yet I am not at all angry or depressed. I do think that I continue to find myself, and feel stronger and more sure of who I am all the time..
Sherry, not only do I think youth is wasted on the young, I think many people waste growing older on trying to stay young. Dear Lord, who wants to get stuck in all that trying-to-please-everybody foolishness longer than is necessary?
Several years ago, I had an epiphany about age while watching Mike Wallace interview Jeanne Moreau. There he sat, the former hothead upstart turned eminence grise. And there she sat–the forever sublime and bewitching Catherine of “Jules and Jim”–perfectly comfortable in her skin. A blind man could see not a knife or Botox needle had dared to touch her face and, despite the creases and sagging jowls, she was as beautiful as ever. I realized: neither of these great lions were concerned about living up to anyone else’s standards because they WERE the standards.
And that’s the secret of getting old gracefully. We gradually understand there’s no need to impress anyone else or hang onto our youth. It’s now time for the young’uns to worry about impressing us and meeting our standards.
Don’t dread the day–you’ve earned it!
Tim your words resonate. I think of Katherine Hepburn who seemed to grow more beautiful with each year. And she was no conformist. In many ways she was and remains a role model for me. I just wish I had had the guts she had. But I am learning. And no, I am not dreading it. Just bemused in a sense I think.
@Tim: “It’s now time for the young’uns to worry about impressing us and meeting our standards.”
Hear hear!
Me, I was very proudly an outsider all during my youth
— really didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thought of me — but spent most of my adulthood in a career that really went against my nature, slogging along for a greater good, I believed. Nonprofit fundraising & p.r. — oh, how I hated the endless schmoozing and cajoling! Talk about suffering fools and stupid people; even worse when they’re rich, somehow. Never mind the expense of a professional wardrobe on a nonprofit salary, because, of course, if I didn’t “look right” when I walked into that meeting…
Anyway, thanggod that’s over, and me and fabulous mane of silver hair can spend the rest of our lives in Carhartts, eating really good chocolate and laughing at the codgers trying too hard to stay young, squinting at their Blackberries.
And, man, I love that photo in your post, Sherry!
love to read your comments blisterina! I agree. I’m getting more feisty and opinionated as i age, and I’m more open in expressing them publically. I like to think I’m a bit more generous about others opinions, but I’m probably not…lol
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Thanks Jaime, and I’ll do my best to keep the posts up to standards! Thanks for visiting, and hope to hear more from you in the future.
Thanks for posting! I just came across your blog & it happens I use the same theme for a wordpress blog of mine, but i haven’t been able to figure out the side bar and get things shown, maybe you could email me some tips – Thank you!
Kaira, I’m not good at tech stuff. You’d be better off reading and/or watching the tutorials on the general home page of going to the forums and getting expert advice. Mostly you use the dashboard page and then links and categories and widgets to add to the sidebar. Hope that helps.
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First off I want to say great blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there. I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips? Cheers!
Hi Jayden, I guess I’m a bit of an anomaly. I write easily most days. On the few days that I sit down with nary a thought, I go to my reader and start reading–I have a list of about 180 websites I try to keep some track of. I read until I find something that jumpstarts an idea, and that’s how it starts…I wouldn’t worry about sitting with nothing for a few minutes. There are some days I take even longer. Those days, the post usually says, “there was nothing of interest in the news today.” lol..
Welcome to the blog and hope you will be a frequent contributor to the conversation.
Interesting blog post. What I would like to contribute is that computer memory must be purchased in case your computer cannot cope with what you do with it. One can add two random access memory boards having 1GB each, by way of example, but not one of 1GB and one of 2GB. One should check the maker’s documentation for one’s PC to be certain what type of memory is needed.
Thanks but it’s not a memory issue but rather a lack of speed. Once we move, we will have cable or some other high speed and my troubles shall end.
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I loved your blog Shelley and agree wholeheartedly with the sentiments.And I especially like the quote from the height challenged young man.Long live aging disgracefully,I would rather be an outrageous older woman than be a plastic version of my younger self.
yeah, I like the idea of being me. It’s kind of a neat revelation after all these years.