Stories Parker Doesn’t Give a **** About

Tags

Adam Lambert, Chastity Bono, gay rights, GMA, Jonas Brothers, Madonna, Parkersylvania, The Contrarian, Yo Yo Ma

Okay, I got some splainin’ to do before I get to the point. Trust me, it helps to understand the context.

So, we have rules in my household. I get up at 7:00 am each morning. I am not a happy person when I arise. I stumble to the kitchen and put water on to boil (I use a coffee press).  Then I get GMA on. I get my coffee steeping, make the bed and get dressed. Then I have my first cup.

Usually the Contrarian is still on the computer, which is perfectly perfect, since the biggest rule of the morning is “don’t bother me with no crazy chit.” Crazy chit is “I wonder if birds sneeze?” Sometimes he comes in to sit with me, and quiet is the word. I sip my coffee, and watch GMA, luxuriating in the fluffy softness of Diane and Robin, Chris and Sam.

Suddenly, my peace is disturbed by the Contrarian booming out, “Oh good, more stories that Parker doesn’t give a **** about!” I scowl and shush him. I am giving a **** about them, and that’s all that counts at 7:30 am.

Once upon a time, the Contrarian wrote a piece about the laws in the state of Parkersylvania. They are not at all like my laws. Primary to the list is that bikes cannot be ridden on roads where car drives. He then cites to the passage in Paul wherein the apostle reminds one and all, then when “when one ceases to be a child, one puts away childish things.” Such is biking on highways.

Another law, is that all street lights, red and green, conform to the Contrarian’s travel plans, thus, he is always on the green. And there are of course, a limited number of cars allowed to be on his road, not enough to impede him nor interfere with his desires.

A serious law is that medical procedures cannot be described either by words or pictures that actually  depict said procedure in any detail. Those things are inside the body for a reason. We don’t look at them, any more than we want to see the inside of sewers. Yech would be the operative word. This meant that the Contrarian spent a fair amount of time covering his head while ER was on the air.

Life in Parkersylvania can be most pleasant, as long as you are prepared to learn things that interest the Contrarian, and not necessarily anyone else. I’ve heard, for instance, more than once, the tale of how Parker, sitting in the local Troy Mills Christian church, ignoring the sermon, read Leviticus instead. Did you know that when a man is fighting another man, his wife cannot grab the genitals of the opponent? I know this, and now you do as well. See what I mean? And no, I’m not telling you where in Leviticus. Find it yourself, it’s good for ya.

So by now you are just dying to know what the stories on GMA were today that so inflamed the mind of the Contrarian that he ejected such a venomous remark.

The first was about Chastity Bono. It has been known for some years that she is gay. Well, now, she is more than gay, she is transgender and is going to get a sex change. His new name is Chaz. I am happy for him. Nobody should go through life feeling out of sex. I have had on occasion represented transsexuals, though their main arrestable offense, soliciting, was a misdemeanor and I did felonies. But sometimes after the arrest a search produced drugs, and the charges could be raised, thus bringing me into the picture.

I remember a poor soul arrested in a very short skirt, wig and so on. He was treated horribly by the other guys in lockup and as bad by the deputies in charge of prisoners. I recall some rather harsh words aimed their way, and I glared at the judge, just daring him to say something “funny.”

So I am happy for Chaz.

That was one story Parker didn’t give a **** about. The second was Madonna.

It seems the Material Girl has finally be given permission to adopt another child from Malawi. I have no opinion one way or the other.

At the start of this Madonna piece, the Contrarian exploded with his now famous remark. I looked up, mildly irritated, and thanked him. A puzzled look came across his face. “I have a blog title and subject.” I could then go back to happily sipping and he could grouse about “damn news shows wasting his time with inexplicably of no importance chit.”

He continued to sit, and I continued to sip. And low and behold he exclaimed again. “I’ve hit the trifecta!” I trained a keen eye on the tube again, and lo, Adam Lambert was being featured. It seems that Adam has decided to make it official, he’s gay. Yes we knew. He is interviewed. He seems personable, says he saw no need to confirm the obvious. We get a few more treat pieces of his voice, and I must admit, he is an electrifying singer. I like him. (Yeah, I know, this means the stats go up again in a week, when this tag hits the Google. Ain’t the Internet grand?)

As I contemplate going to the basement to get ribs out for dinner, we are nearing the end of the GMA Friday edition. When of course, this happens:

“MY GOD, can anything be more perfect? They are giving me the closeout too! ” I frown, come out of my self-imposed meditation on dinner plans, and yeah, we he is right. It’s the Jonas Brothers for the concert today.

Now that one I will sincerely give him. I join in the refrain. “Stories Sherry doesn’t give a **** about.” Well not a story, but well you know what I mean. These average looking, less than talented youngsters, should be opening supermarkets in my humble opinion. But what do I know, I’m fresh from watching the Silk Road Ensemble featuring Yo Yo Ma from the Lincoln Center last night on PBS. How could I “get” the Jonas Brothers, after all?

(The pic is Transylvania, Romania. Just thought you might like a look of our replica here in the Meadow of Parkersylvania.)