Dick Cheney, gay rights, Humor, Liz Cheney, Mike Huckabee, Military, Newt Gingrich, pets, SCOTUS, the Gosselin's
Helllloooo there alien persons, or creatures, or whatever you might go by. I cannot tell from the anatomy whether you be girls or boys, but much bowing and welcoming gestures I convey. We have long awaited your presence on our little blue ball in the sky, in fact a few of us have been sure we have seen you many times over the decades and have been probed by you guys. Is that the way you say hello?
Anyways, nice little greenies, since you’ve found you way into the inter-tubes and can look around at all our top secret secrets of informational data, I thought I would give you a taste of what is here to be learned on a typical day in Merika, North America, continent, on said blue ball. Oh by the way, that brown thing that hangs around us, is not very useful, but please leave it intact. I think the science people believe it helpful in keeping things in order.
We start out with visiting a typical couple in the states of the US of A. That being a family called the Gosselin’s, not to be confused with either the bird baby gosling, child of Geese or Goose, or Ghosts, phantoms of dead people who got lost looking for Starbucks and can’t find their way back to heaven.
Confused, don’t be. The Gosselin’s are a big family who had a whole passel of kids at once, a litter in fact, and are now shamelessly abusing them in the name of securing enough funds to “raise” them, something they didn’t think about before they did the dirty deed that resulted in creating them. In any case the mom and dad, don’t much like each other any more, but stay together “for the sake of the kids” or the money, you pick. Want to know more? Well, I can see why you wouldn’t.
Our super duper court, the Supreme deciders (not that guy called Bush who said he was, but the real deciders) have decided not to hear a case challenging the Pentagon (our super duper military strategists) on it’s policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” This is a policy that means that gay folks (people who get excited in a romantic sense with people of their own sex) whom everyone knows are gay, can’t say they are gay, and we promise not to ask. This some how makes it okay for them to serve in the military as fodder for war, when otherwise they wouldn’t. Don’t understand? Neither do most of the rest of us. Our really nice new President said he would change this, so far, he hasn’t. Do you have this problem with your leaders too?
We humans enjoy taking hilarious pictures of our “pets” and then putting even funnier captions under them. We are unaware what our pets do in return to make fun of us. We aren’t quite as smart as they are. A few humans actually like pets better than people, and they are probably the people you would rather talk to.
Which is not to say that we aren’t more than capable of intelligent discourse. Witness this next little entry, wherein a very neat friend of mine is able to move seamlessly from gardening to garden pests, to human pests all in one breath. You can find talent like this in a lotta places here on the Nort Amerikan Continental, but beware, the talent holders are usually a wee bit on the “weird” side. Not good to eat, if you were wondering.
Our offspring are unpredictable. Many a parent has been proud as punch of their creations and others, well not so much. So if your intending to mate with us human species types, beware. You just never know what you might end up with. Case in point. We have a male (I’m taking that on faith, since I have no desire to check his anatomy) known as Dick “The Dick” Cheney. He is a real asshat ( a word we reserve for the craziest of those who claim homo sapien status).
Now said male enjoys clandestine activities in the name of “protecting his country” but what it really comes down to is feeding his gigantic ego. Now he has a daughter, name Liz, or as we call her “the apple of The Dick’s eye.” She is just like her papa except for the um physical equipment. (Some might argue she really has ballz, but I’m not checking her either.) Now here’s the point, don’t assume that this is what will happen generally. Cuz he also has another daughter, and she is ummm, (sssshhhh) gay. And she seems rational, in fact she may have all the brains in the whole family. (The mother is well, look up Barbara Bush, and you might find certain parallels—mother she-lions might be a good phrase.) So, I’d think twice about any mating ideas, comprende?
Do you guys elect people to run your government? We do. Here’s how it works: You save up oodles of money, make all kinds of promises to everyone, some of which can be contradictory, get elected, and then do what you wanted to in the first place. Sound crazy? Well it is, and that may be the reason why most of the folks who run are crazy too. We have one extra special group of crazies though (wingnuts is another term for them.) They promise old Biblical plagues on us if the current party stays in power.
A dude named Gingrich, warns that paganism is taking us over. He should know these things having plowed throw three marriages to arrive at the doorstep of the one church that claims divorce is a big no-no. He knows his bible.
The other, a bible pounder by the name of Huckabee (not the huckleberry–that’s a fruit. . .but well,. . . no, he probably isn’t). Anyway, he thinks that good ole Merika is “favored” by God. Did your God create your planet and then claim that he liked your brother better? Some say ours did. I’m not so sure. They both are against that same -sex thing. Nobody asks how they avoid that subject around “The Dick” but they do. What can I say, we are a mass of contradictions.
Anyway, dear Aliens, can I call you “bug eyes” for short?, that is what you can find around the news on any given day in our fine country. I hope you don’t decide we are either not worth communicating with, or worthy of a death ray. Either way, you sell us short. We are amusing in a “gee wiz sorta way.” Give us time. Is there a Galactic Council? Are their any real Klingons? Is there a restaurant at the end of the universe? Is there an actual end to a universe? If ya know? Just wonderin’.