Tags
child safety, ethics, honesty, morals, parenting, psychology, religion, sociology
One of the Contrarian’s aunts was often heard to say, that “you gotta eat a peck of dirt before you die.”
While that may or may not be exactly true, it’s close to the mark I think. We are becoming a people who over-obsesses (can you over obsess?) about cleanliness and germs.
That’s perhaps a dumb remark given the flu epidemic and the fact that I am taking wipes to church and dunking my host these days, but let us continue.
This goes hand in hand with our obsession to keep our kids safe, against dangers real or imagined. This came to my attention when a woman in NYC was roundly accused of being “the worst mom in America” because she sent her seven year old off on the subway alone.
At least so America weighed in. Yet the woman in question says her son rides the subway regularly with her, is mature, wanted to go alone, and was sent with appropriate money and instructions. Now I’m not about to declare whether she is right or wrong. Not being a parent, I hesitate to try to place myself in that situation.
Yet that story was preceded by one in which a woman had developed “gloves” for kids to put on when entering public bathrooms where they might touch germy toilet seats. The reporter suggested that this, along with oodles of other “safety” items now available to parents was getting a bit “over the top.”
Some of this is I guess understandable in a post 9/11 world. Some of it is understandable in an urban versus suburban/rural world. Some of it is understandable in a information overload which tends to focus on the sensational murder/abduction case ad nauseum because they have to fill time. Plenty of women kill their husbands and plenty of men kill their wives. Most don’t make the national news unless there is some mystery to hang a story on.
But are we adults becoming paranoid to the point that we are teaching our youngsters to be fearful, reticent, and down right withdrawn from the world? Are we in fact encouraging the Internet junkie and computer game addiction in the name of “knowing where the kids are?”
I recall that as even a young child, I had a lot of time unsupervised. From the time I could ride a bike, I could pretty much travel on the dirt roads which gave me a 1 x 1/2 mile area to wander in. It was easily by age eight or nine that we were crossing the four-lane highway to get a loaf of bread or McDonalds (yes they had them way back then, but they were 15cents a burger!). My time to come home was when the “street lights” came on. (I was forever getting in trouble, since they came on not all at once but in a rotation, and the one on our corner obviously came on before the one where I was at did.)
The Contrarian is of the opinion that there was a lot less asthma and allergy illness when kids were allowed to be kids, i.e., wallow in dirt all day long, and wash most of it off before bed. Farm kids, who come in contact with the poop of many a critter besides dogs, seem to be the healthiest of all.
Now we have wipes handy in car and kitchen, ready to clean up that face and hands. Hey, who hasn’t tasted dirt? And a number of kids actually ate it. The grit still makes me shiver, like nails on a chalk board.
So I ask you, are we raising a generation of fraidy cats with compulsive hand washing obsessions? I dunno. Just askin’ the question.
On another and far distant note, I ponder the following. Several people, somewhere in the US have a bank that mistakenly credited their accounts with about a quarter million bucks. A woman, so blessed, notified the bank of the mistake. So far, Americans across the country have sent her nearly $2000 in “reward” for her honesty.
This is nothing new of course, but is now routinely done for anybody who does the right thing. And I wonder, why exactly is that? Aren’t we supposed to be honest? Isn’t that the norm?
Some religious do believe that morality can only come through religion, but that is bunk. There are perfectly logical reasons why non-believers conclude that honesty is the “best policy.” Its rational to be honest. Rational because dishonesty has unpleasant consequences first of all. Moreover, and one would hope more compellingly, empathy draws us to honesty. We can easily put ourself in another’s place and feel how we would feel should they suffer a loss due to thievery, or mistake or negligence on their part. We realize how someone might suffer by our unexpected opportunity.
If we start gifting the honest person, then we tarnish their honesty. We turn it into a compromise, wanting to keep it, figuring you might get caught, and the hope that you’ll get a sizable “reward” for being good. The altruism is ruined and we are poorer for it. So I say, don’t reward what is expected of every human being. It sends the wrong message.
A little creativity can be used. There are usually plenty of good reasons to “reward” anyone. Find one that doesn’t pat them on the head for doing what they should.
End of lecture for today. There will be a test. I’ll reward those who study hard. Oops, that would be reward for doing what is right. I could reward you for reading this, but then, that is also the right thing to do. At least in my world of what’s morally right!
Existential Ennui 
Oh, you hit one of my hot buttons! I am trying not to raise anxious, phobic kids, but it can be hard – there are so many anxious, phobic messages out there (mostly from other mamas) and it takes firm boundaries to keep that stuff out of our life.
So much of the helicopter parenting, I think, comes from the fact we don’t live in communities any more that allow kids space to run around. We live on a busy street, there are no other families on our block and schools are not so close. Still, I am working towards the day my kiddos will bike by themselves to school and feel comfortable heading over to the park by themselves to play ball.
Dirt’s a no-brainer though – we love dirt. My kids run around with a thin layer of grime and it’s by design. I won’t say they have bullet proof immune systems (that’s the quickest karmic way to ensure they spend the next week in bed) but they are pretty darned resilient!
I admit that one of my proudest mama moments was the time I calmly watched my then 2 year-old rub her fingers along the tile grout on the floor of the DC Metro and proceed to lick them.
And I’ll let that image sink in for a sec. ;0
I’d leave a comment but that would a reward for a well-written post. (Just kidding.)
I wonder about all the phobias too. I do tend to be careful in public restrooms but I’m pretty blase about other public surfaces. Never use the wipes to clean the grocery cart handle, for instance. And we stopped using antibacterial soap years ago.
I think the rise in allergies is probably attributable to other stuff besides over cleanliness though. Like too many preservatives in food and too many weird pollutants in air and water. JMHO.
lopsidedmom: LOL…I love the image! It’s just so real isn’t it? Yet I would not begin to figure out what is right for any parent in this vein. I am spared that decision myself and certainly can’t pretend to think I know the answers. I am most sure it is a case by case, environment by environment decision.
Ruth, touche on the comment issue. Fair game.
I do tend to agree about the “too clean” issue. I think we make ourselves sick by trying to avoid everyday good ole germs. That being said, I’m being rather careful in church these days. I don’t want to be sick with the flu again after having a vicious case in the winter. And certainly don’t want to hand it on to any one else.
Other than that, we don’t take an extraordinary measures. We live in more than enough dirt with 2 dogs and 4 cats. It’s impossible to have clean floors!
Ever since I taught a pre-school class of 2-year-olds in the 1990’s, I have been washing my hands frequently. They say even rinsing with water is better than not doing it. That’s about all I do–frequent hand washings. It’s a good practice for everyone, though not as obsessively as Jack Nicholson in “As Good As It Gets.”
Jan, agreed. The simplest of things is one of the most effective. I’m not a big handwasher. I never got the habit I guess as a child. I don’t recall ever being told to “wash your hands” before eathing for instance, unless I was especially obviously grubby. I guess I wish my mother had done that. But then, I’ve not had a lot of health issues regarding infections and colds and such either. The flu we got this years was the first in probably 20 years for me. Maybe more. I haven’t had a cold in like 5 years easily either.
I ate my “peck of dirt” during the summer that I was 5 years old. I must have had pica. My girl friend and I would visit construction sites in the neighborhood that had great piles of sand (for making stucco; this was in El Paso, TX) and eat it with a spoon while sitting in the midst of it. To hide my sand-eating from my mother, I would go to my friend’s house and wash the sand off my body before going home. Never did make either of us sick, though. Now, even one grain of sand in not-too-thoroughly-washed spinach sets my teeth on edge!
Pat, my cousin was a sand eater! lol…not me though, I took a taste, and found it not to my liking. I was more a eat rhubarb and don’t make a face kinda kid.
But I agree, sand in spinach just makes me shiver!