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constitution_quill_penI’ve been looking through the Constitution again. I say again, since given what some politicians say, I’m constantly having to recheck things I thought I knew.

I can’t find where it says that every state shall have at least one bona fide asshat representing his or her fair state in the Congress. I know it must be there, since it seems  if you look carefully enough that is what you will find. That surely can’t happen by mere coincidence can it?

This requires, it seems to me, that the absolute wingnuttiest people in any given state must congregate pretty much in the same area, at least the same congressional district. That seems easy enough perhaps, but I don’t know what test the state uses to make this determination, and I sure don’t remember ever taking one. Maybe it’s some sly question on the driving test?

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We have ours, Representative Steven King, (R, IA). He represents the 5th District, which includes Sioux City and Council Bluffs. Those are nice sounding Native American places, and don’t deserve to be associated with a lunatic. The Des Moines Register won’t endorse him any more, calling him “an embarrassment to the state of Iowa.”

You can imagine what he has had to say about gay marriage in Iowa. We’re about to become a mecca for gays you know, according to him. He’s also related that Osama bin Laden would dance in the street if Obama were elected. He scores a perfect 100% from the conservative Family Research Council Action/Focus on the Family. He gets an “A” from the NRA too. He has called Joe McCarthy, a hero of America. He regularly says really ugly things about immigrants.

It should come as no surprise that he was against legislation on “hate crimes.” The Party of No was as you might expect,  is against such things. They don’t want their natural constituents to be burdened with more charges like that when arrested. King apparently got his jollies  by reciting a whole list of wacko and bizarre sexual fetishes, and asking, “how can the poor assaulter know these things? Does he have to ask?” I guess the issue of ASSAULTING another human being got lost somewhere in there.

He went on to call the Congressional Black and Congressional Hispanic Caucuses, “separatist groups.” Oh yeah, we got one huge blot on the fair name of Iowa in this one folks.

But to be honest, we don’t have it as bad as some. Take Minnesota. No really, take Minnesota please! Oh, sorry, I’m regressing to Henny Youngman again.

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I mean there should be a caveat that when your state is immersed in other wingnuttery crap, you can’t be saddled with another moron as a representative. Norm Coleman is way enough here folks.

So being stuck with Ms. Bachmann seems overkill to say the least. Given the Ventura adventure of some years ago, Minnesota is dancing pretty near the edge in the first place doncha think?

She started in educational activism, working on “intelligent design.” You can see where this is leading already. Bells and whistles are going and red flags should be popping.

Other than to support Christianity in school, she has been the usual NO voice to any legislation that sought to help students get an education. Big pieces of legislation she introduced was the “Freedom of Light bulb” bill. People should be able to buy the regular kind if they want to she claimed, even though the high efficiency incandescent bulbs are more cost efficient and save energy. Course she got all the science wrong. Probably because of her creationist stand, you know.

She seems inordinately worried about other frivolous things like the US going off the dollar. She thinks CO2 is a benign friendly gas, cuz plants breathe it. (Again, an education without real science can be quite embarrassing.) She has tried to tie flu epidemics to Democratic Presidents, incorrectly of course.

She favors a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. She thinks that service to country is tantamount to “indoctrination camps,” and she claims “evolution is controversial among scientists.”

And of course who can forget that she has called for an investigation of Congress to determine if members are really well, you know, sufficiently American in philosophy.

Lately the lady has been lumped into the catch-all of Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck and others of the laughable right. Too crazy it seems to warrant any defense by anyone. This to the lady who introduced the brilliant strategist, Michael Steele, as “here’s da man!” So you know, I feel for Minnesota.

Now things get even worse it seems. Some states have their entire state represented by a crazy. Such a dubious honor goes to Oklahoma with it’s resident Senator Inhofe.

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Now, I’m not sure how this happens. I’d be willing to consider that if your state has more cattle or whatnot than humans, you might get the penalty prize of having the entire state embarrassed by suggesting that the majority of its residents are looney tunes. But Iowa has a lot of pigs, and we didn’t suffer this shame, so I’m not sure. Like I said, I’m still looking through the US Constitution, searching for the right part.

Anyhoo, the not so fair state of Oklahomey, has the dubious distinction of having this rare nut as it’s state Senator in the US of A’s Senate.

Mr. Inhofe not pronounced as it is spelt (in ho fay) but some other way, is a stellar character. This gem of an intellect doesn’t believe in global warming! Which I guess puts him pretty much in the lap of people like our girl Sarah, which come to think about it is another high caliber boob, not of the breast kind, but of the idiot kind.

Just a side note. We feel totally blessed, since Jimmy boy was born in Des Moines and moved, (thank you Jesus) to Oklahoma as a child. He has indicated that he was more outraged by the “outrage” over Abu Ghraib, and has called the Red Cross, a “bleeding heart.” And he ain’t afraid to call torture a fine and noble  practice if need be.

Back to global warming, he calls it a “hoax” using the stupid “hey it’s cool today!” approach to science. He’s a conspiracy believer, claiming that the “weather channel” is behind the whole thing. It should be noted that he receives the second largest campaign contributions from the oil and gas companies.

His claim that global warming is a hoax is second only to the first hoax, that there is any such thing as “separation of church and state.” He likes to quote the Bible a lot in defense of his positions. Thus we must defend Israel at all costs because the Bible tells him to, and that 9/11 was a result of God’s wrath at not doing so enough.

One need not say more.

Other states who bear the brunt of having a horse’s ass representing their entire state are Alaska, as mentioned, with Gov. Sarah, and Texas Gov Rick Perry who suggested Texas just might secede if things don’t shape up.

There are no doubt more. Share your nut case with us please. I’m working on some sort of theory here, and it’s leading to something. Of what, I’m not quite sure, other than all these tenuous humans are Republicans!

Oh, and please, do yourself a favor and go read Robert J. Elisberg’s fine piece at the HuffPo today. It inspired me to write this. It starts about about Joe the Plumber and his take on “queers,” as he so quaintly puts it. It’s fairly hilarious in the reading.

And Happy Cinco de Mayo!

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