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texasOkay, before we get started, I am not bashing Texans! At least not most of ’em, or at least a good many of ’em, or at least two who are presently residing there, Jan from “Yearning for God,” and BE otherwise known as “Border Explorer,” living there until it’s warm enough to return to Iowa.

Okay, so don’t throw stuff!

But seriously what in the hell is wrong with ya’ll?

The Contrarian and I plan to leave Iowa one day, exactly when I can draw SS . That is in a few years, which is okay, since hopefully that will give some time for my 401K to return to something more than the $3.32 it’s presently worth.

We want to re-retire some place warm, where owning a snow shovel would be say a “conversation” piece instead of a necessity. We have other basic requirements, like it can’t be about to fall off into the ocean–that eliminates California. It can’t be subject to being blown into Massachusetts. That eliminates Florida and most of the gulf states.

We ain’t into rafting for survival, so most of the coastal areas are a nope. Global warming will mean the coastlines will be under water, and so far we haven’t seen any nice condo’s ala Twenty Leagues Under the Sea.

But our final requirement, is that the state can’t be downright, unarguably, certifiably, CRAZY. And that brings up Texas. Well, maybe Alaska too, but it’s too cold there for consideration anyhow.

Being SANE people, we tend to not want to have blood on our hands via the state we live in, so we rather object to the idea of state sponsored murder, aka “execution.” No place in Amerika is more prone to pulling the level or pushing the plunger than Texas is. Everybody knows that.

I mean do you guys run a lottery for the right to do the deed? Is it broadcast on closed circuit or pay per view?

I can’t figure it out, why one state is so down right blood thirsty. I mean its not as if your state coppers and prosecutors haven’t been caught fiddling with evidence. Last time I heard, a number of folks were being released because there was no frickin’ reliability as to the evidence used to put ’em in the slammer. (Other states of course have had the same problem, but they ain’t killing folks either much.)

Anyway, there are plenty of papers and studies all showing that it is a lousy deterent, there is just too much room for error, and it falls disproportionately on the poor and ethnically non-white population. That should give reason to pause. Obviously it doesn’t seem to bother a majority of Texans cuz, as I said, they keep on keepin’ on.

I guess it stands to reason that said state would place a premium on toting shootin’ irons as well. Although, if you think murder is worth murdering for, one might come to the opposite conclusion.

We understand that Texans have a pretty liberal right to carry concealed weapons, and even more so if you sport a holster and show the world you’re a manly man or womanly woman. I guess they also passed a law that said that you could carry your sweet six shooter to work as well. There was a provisio that an employer could object and bar that idea, worrying as he/she might about workplace massacres.

I think they have TV in Texas, so they should have heard about those things happening around the country, wherein some “disgruntled” employee or ex travels to said workplace with arsenal in hand and shoots up the place, leaving a lot of bodies to bury before offing his (almost always male) self. Pity of course that the suicide couldn’t be first instead of last.

At least, it seems somewhat sane that employers could object and keep people from toting to work. But alas, we hear that is about to fall, and the whole dang bunch of ya can bring your AK-47 to work. More fun, no doubt than bringing your daughter to work.

I have no idea what the age requirement is. For all I know, little Johnny in Bush Elementary can bring his easy to operate 25 calibur automatic to show ‘n tell.

But this takes the cake. Texans have been flirting around with creationism and intelligent design lately, and the scientific community–every sane person outside the state lines–has been trying to convince Texans that science is more reliable in the work place than voodoo religious metaphysics. (The experiments tend to have actual results that can be verified and all.)

Thus, children–those short folks who will one day work in labs trying to create things–need to learn real science, and not religion in their science classes. And well, it seems that Texans have decided uhuh, nope, nada, not for us. They want to remain true to God as they have defined him.

The Texas Board of Education, in its infinite wisdom  stupidity (let’s call it as it is) did vote to disallow outright creationism to be taught, but then by amendment, added most of the objected to material back in by allowing students to “analyze and evaluate scientific explanations concerning the complexity of the cell, phrasing that rings of intelligent design arguments.”

Anti-evolutionist Don McLeroy, a dentist and chair of the Texas State Board of Education, testified at Friday’s hearing: “I disagree with these experts. Someone has got to stand up to experts.”

Yes, by all means, let dentists decide. And, when it comes to getting your car fixed, you can take it to my hairdresser.

Students, via their  now brain dead teachers, are allowed to evaluate global warming as to it’s truth, and get this, different theories about the age of the universe are now open to debate, since the standard age of the universe at 14 billion years will be removed.

The real kicker here is all this will require changes in textbooks to reflect this new state of “everything is up in the air scientifically” attitude. Since Texas is such a big market, this puts the onus on publishers to either publish separately for Texas, a huge cost, or to distribute “watered” down science to other states as well.

The problem increases if other states object, and mainstream publishers just decide to cut Texas out. That leaves Texan children the unfortunate option of getting their science from places like the Discovery Institute, that bastion of scientific crackpotism, which was set up to promote “intelligent design” in the first place.

Movement is also at hand to pass an “education” freedom act which would allow students to espouse bizarre scientific theories and not be penalized by a teacher who is teaching legitimate science. Such has already passed in that other enlightened state, Louisiana.

All of which means that there won’t be any Peytons moving to Texas any time soon.  My suggestion is this: I figure all the nuts in Texas can safely be shoved together in about 1/100th of the state. You pick the place, and then confine them. Let them call themself the STATE of DENIAL. All they need is a bible, a syringe, and guns, and they should be happy!

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