Sitting in the bar the other night, having a rousing conversation with God, I paused. . . .
Okay, so I wasn’t sitting in a bar, but I do have rather intense conversations with God on a regular basis. No, I’m not crazy, I don’t hear voices or see things that other folks don’t. Nothing so mundane and thoroughly explainable as that.
But I do imagine God’s response to things I think about a lot. It seems rather normal to me, and is, I find a pretty good check on my tendency to put me first. Who is me, after all?
I’m tempted to say that I’m not really who you think I am, or I think I am, most of the time. This is a bit of a test actually. Imagine someone, anyone asking you, who are you? Note your response. . . . I’ll give you a minute.
If you said, “I’m a wife, mother, accountant, Catholic, feminist,” etc, etc, etc, you’ve fallen into my trap. You are repeating what other people define you as, what your ego defines itself as. That’s not at all who you are actually.
(TRUMPETS PLEASE). You are: “a spiritual being having a human experience.”
The ego takes the sum total of memory, of experiences, and conversations, of the looks given and received, words said and received, and creates a “personality” from this, and declares itself IT. Our conscious mind does this automatically it seems, without direction.
Yet, those of us immersed in meditation practices know that hidden deep inside, under all the chaotic yammering that goes inside our heads, is our real self, inextricably bound to God, or at least many of us so believe.
It is God as us, that spark called Spirit, shared with this living flesh, abiding in us, as us, watching, experiencing, and when given permission by “us” acting through us.
It’s at the same time, simple as a drop of rain, and as complicated as the most detailed of chemical compounds. We ignore it, and go blithely on our way, stumbling through life, thinking we are personality us, or we recognize the true us, and spend hours upon hours searching and trying to connect, to be aware of God within us.
It’s hard, and it can take a lifetime. It sometimes no doubt is never achieved, this blissful state of Oneness we so desire. Yet, those of us convinced of its reality, cannot stop the quest.
I was over at Dave’s blog earlier today, commenting on a post he did on Bill Richardson and the death penalty. I saw a “quote of the month” that was ironic to me, true and not true at the same time. To paraphrase, it said basically, that you are probably on the wrong track if you find that God dislikes the same people you do.
No doubt there is a lot of truth in that, but it’s one of those things, that also carries its opposite I think, or it can. It depends you see. Depends on whether you are on the right track in fact. Then perhaps your sense of good and bad is pretty darn good, and God would agree with you in principle at least.
Now, you have to understand that I start from the premise, that no one is lost. I don’t believe in hell, except for the fact that you can create a pretty darn nice one here on earth. God is sad when we do that, but he can’t stop us from our choices.
I believe that God calls us to him, but those who can’t or won’t answer, for whatever reason, aren’t punished but received home with open arms come that point of transition. What comes next I have no clue, but I sure hope its growth and learning, and lots of traveling around the universe, seeing all the sights and having important work to do.
I do tend to think that those who progress farther along the path in life graduate higher and have more important work than others, but that doesn’t mean that the non-believers are left to being janitors, it just means they start learning from farther back.
This means of course that the proverbial bad guys (Hitler, Dalmer, bin Ladin, Stalin, etc, etc, etc, ) get there too. This drives some people utterly wild with anger. I find it right and good that God does thusly, and I find it amusing that it rankles some minds to distraction.
After all, these self-proclaimed righteous types always claim they do “right” because they love God. Truth is, they do it because they feel this is the price to be paid for eternal life. And it drives them batty to think that they “sacrificed” so much for nothing. They cannot and will not allow that it is possible. Why society would fall apart if everyone acted out from their baser instincts.
I guess that depends on what you think about humanity. I tend to think that we basically “get it” instinctively that we can’t steal, kill, and otherwise disrupt each other willy nilly and survive. What we do to another would and will be done to us. Common sense tells us to behave and to do so fairly rationally.
After all, I know of no study that suggests that atheists are law breakers and immoral turds to a degree any larger than anyone else. In fact, I think they tend to be at least as good as everyone who professes God.
So like I said, I have these conversations with God. Sometimes they are a hoot. Like this one:
“Okay, Pops, what do you REALLY think of George Dubya and Darth Cheney? The truth!”
God: “Two of my favorites actually smartie. George is like a big dumb kid, with a good heart, hoping to please. But I admit, you can get lost in that head of his. Not much up there, if you get my drift.Easy to manipulate and he ends up doing stupid things. He never got over that meeting when they sat him down and told him they wanted to run him for president. Reality never really set in until about year 7, when he started to get the feeling he had been. . . err used. That’s why he wouldn’t pardon Scooter Libby, just wanted to stick it to Dick for running his presidency into the ditch.”
“Dick, now there’s a piece of work. He actually thinks he’s me. Thinks he knows what I want. Couldn’t be more wrong, but wow you can’t get passed that arrogance. I keep toying with the idea of letting him think he’s gone to hell when the time comes, just for a few minutes…just to shake him up. Otherwise, he’s gonna argue with me about how we conduct business up here. And well, there is only ONE of us after all.”