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I know I am in danger of angering many in the animal rights groups, by the telling of this tale. Not wanting to incur the wrath of PETA or the SPCA, I must make it clear I do not condone the actions of my friend I tell of, nor was I a participant.

The Story:

A friend of my youth, I will call him Kevin, because that is his name, was in chronic disagreement with his father. One saw day, the other saw night. One said, “wrong,” the other said, “right.” As with most cases of constant conflict, there were periods when the enmity peeked for all sorts of reasons. I’m sure there were also valleys, but they never seem as interesting to talk about. During one of these peeks, Kevin’s fathers purchased an expensive boar to improve his swine herd. The father was not one to spoil the child by sparing the rod. Kevin had learned to be sly in his attempts to retaliate for both real and perceived wrongs.

As Kevin told the story, he went to the hog pen with his BB gun adn waited. When the boar approached his first sow to accomplish the task he had been purchased for, Kevin shot him in the testicles with a BB pellet. Naturally this caused the animal to reconsider his options. He snorted around until nature drove him to seduce another of the ladies. Kevin again let go with his weapon, and the boar put his away. This battle went on all afternoon, until the boar finally surrendered without having fired a shot. Kevin was surprised at how quickly the boar had decided to keep his relationship with the ladies strictly platonic. Even when two or more of the attractive gilts would mud wrestle in the wallow he showed no interest. Kevin’s father never learned why his prize boar wouldn’t perform.

Now this can be seen as a sad story about a dysfunctional relationship between a father and son, or an even sadder story about the the loss of relationship between boar and sow. yet, as I was recalling this story I had to wonder: Would the Bush Administration’s failed “abstinence only” sex education program have been more effective had all the facilitators been issued Daisy Air Rifles?