Flat-Heads Speak Up From Flatlandia

The land where syllogisms are upended and deductive reasoning is banned.

Flatheads abound in our country today. (This comes as news to those who have regarded the long extinct Neandertal flatheads.)

For instance, this gem of non-existent logic:

A new group, called the Center for Marriage Policy, can explain all this marriage equality demand quite simply. Led by none other than our dear anti-feminist, old hag Phyllis Schlafly, whose vagina has been locked down for four decades now, CMP alleges that the marriage equality fight is waged by feminists.

And the reason why? Because these lazy old beotches want to screw the day-lights out of men, while married to women, so as they can collect welfare from government, by forgetting their birth control and making them babies, and because they really hate men anyway, but love that love stick. Confused?  Then you have reached the state of Flatlandia!

The way to sidle up to the African-American folk, according to Newt, it to offer them jobs. Newt, sees the problem: little black kids have zero role models when it comes to the work ethic. His solution? Putting them to work as early as age nine. And bonus: the GOP hates the minimum wage, so of course, they can be paid slave below minimum wage  too. Newt admits that  some of these poor kids do get some work ethic, but only from “illegal” jobs. Can’t wait to see Newt’s favorables skyrocket in the African-American community.

Newt has more advice for other poor folks. Besides his advice, (which no one can seriously argue with) to take a bath before going out to interview,  the salamander has come up with some more good advice. And that is: stop all this unemployment insurance. According to Newt, 20-40% of those who are denied extensions, go out and get a job. Newt of course is silent on the other 60-80%. This is Flatlandia! And this is red meat to Flat-Landers. This from the dude who charges $60,000 for an hour speech. We look pretty damn little from that high perch don’t we Grifter?

Herm Cain says that the country is run by stupid people. In a round world, one might say, “it takes one to know one”, but in Flatlandia, what passes for sage GOP heads, nod in agreement.

  • Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  • She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up;

These are common pick-ups lines  in Flatlandia. (from 3quarksdaily)

Alleluia! Here in Flatlandia, we have a new website: Women for Herman Cain. We start out by calling out those “husbandless” accusers of poor Mr. Cain. And then the testimonials, of all those women in America who Mr. Cain has not fondled or poked. Do not miss this one folks. Hours of viewing and reading pleasure. In Flatlandia, we take care of our own.

In Flatlandia, Mittens is real. Because in Flatlandia, plastic is what everything is made out of.

Michele Bachmann is starting to flesh out her Presidential team. Donald (he’s still THE HAIR here) Trump for Veep and Rick (still has a Google problem here) Santorum for AG. It is Flatlandia after all.

Newt is heard to exclaim late at night by passers-by his hotel bedroom: “You’re riding the next President, BABY!” This is Flatlandia!

Worries grow in Flatlandia, that recipients of food stamps might be using them to buy unhealthy fast foods. Flat-heads also believe that First Lady Michele Obama should stop trying to tell them what their children should eat in school cafeterias. This is called unnecessary governmental interference in personal lives. Flat-heads are proud of the fact that they can keep two diametrically opposed ideas in their head at the same time, and enunciate either at the drop of a hat, AND with a straight face. It’s a talent most flat-headers are required to accomplish before being allowed to graduate from high school.

Megan McCain, a fine flat-header, has been around politics all her life. She knows a lot. She knows Sarah and she has now met Michele. She had a poor opinion of Michele, that is until she met her. And between the two? Well she had this to say:

“I think she’s — this is going to get me in trouble — but I actually I think she’s just more smarter.”

Yes, you ARE in Flatlandia! Megan, dear, you are more smarter than my dog, almost.

There is a vote coming as to whether or not Mittens will be allowed to remain in Flatlandia. Plenty think he’s not flat enough. Flat-heads are fairly perceptive about such things. They can smell a fake. If they like the smell, they keep ‘em, if not they throw them back. Mittens is like a used-car salesman who knows he’s a used-car salesman.

Finally, in Flatlandia, words are important, and everyone must use good english. Here is a primer to help you negotiate the flatness of the land.

  • Don’t say ‘capitalism.’
  • Don’t say that the government ‘taxes the rich.’ Instead, tell them that the government ‘takes from the rich.’
  • Republicans should forget about winning the battle over the ‘middle class.’ Call them ‘hardworking taxpayers.’
  • Don’t say ‘government spending.’ Call it ‘waste.’
  • Don’t ever say you’re willing to ‘compromise.’
  • The three most important words you can say to an Occupier: ‘I get it.’
  • Out: ‘Entrepreneur.’ In: ‘Job creator.’
  • “Climate change” is less frightening than “global warming”
  • Don’t ever ask anyone you want them to ‘sacrifice.’
  • Always blame Washington.

Master wordman, Frank Luntz explains how those bad words are always “misinterpreted.”

Hope you have enjoyed your stay. The next flight out to Round Earth, leaves in 20 minutes.

Warning: Those who choose to stay should NOT DRINK THE WATER!

Anybody for RotoRootering a Few Butts?

Bill O’Reilly, Fox Noise mouth, may be one of the more rational (at least he wants to be) voices at the propaganda machine, but heck that isn’t really saying anything much. He’s a mush head of the first order.

His “opines” are so often nothing but third-rank right-wing babble, and recently he took to sucking his toes once again.

If you hadn’t heard, the Institute of Medicine recently recommended that contraception should be available to women without co-pay requirements. If one is serious about cutting abortions, one would think that making sure that pregnancy avoidance would have top priority.

Not so to Billo. He theorized thusly:

 “Many women who get pregnant are blasted out of their minds when they have sex. They’re not going to use birth control anyway.”

Yes, women are just drunken sluts who get taken advantage of by sex hunting men. I suspect he didn’t think that through to the last part very well. Or as Keith Obermann suggested, maybe Billo was talking about his own relationships.

It’s what I like about Fox. They offend everyone, always. And make that a good hard steel bristle brush, thanks!

Rushy Limpbaugh says the August 2 date on the debt ceiling was picked because it needed to be before the start of Ramadan. Louis Gohmert said it was picked because it was the day before the President’s birthday and he wanted it done to raise campaign funds. Steve King says there is no crisis because the President can order anything paid whenever he wants to. Michele said it all gave her a migraine.

If aliens ever landed and met these four empty vessels, they would mark this planet down as having: most intelligent life? whales. Make that an extra LONG steel bristle brush will ya? And with 4 ends? I wanna give it to them all at once.

What I was hoping President Obama would say in his press conference yesterday:

“It seems that Speaker Boehner is not in control of his caucus. I ask them to send me Grover Norquist. Apparently he is in charge and I need to negotiate directly with him.”

Alas the President is too civil for that.

Best line I’ve seen so far:

 “House Speaker John Boehner took his balls and went back to the House, presumably to give them back to Eric Cantor.” (Mustang Bobby at The Reaction )

John Bolton, we have been lead to understand was “sure” that what happened in Oslo was an Al Qaeda operation. Course it wasn’t, since Bolton is an idiot. It was a homegrown terrorist, and self-identified “Christian conservative.” And so when somebody tells your that it is horrible to accuse fundamentalists of being dangerous. . . And would you dip that roto-rooter brush in hot sauce first?

Meanwhile, folks on the extreme social right-wing are sure that this marriage equality in New York is one more step to the debauchery of Old Rome. This fine piece comes from “the sky is always falling” National Review. You’d think they would be embarrassed to print such sludge.

Just a few points:

  • Brian S. Brown: Go look up the definition of racism. And when you are done, go talk to the small businesses that cater to weddings. They are ecstatic. And don’t get me started about divorce lawyers.
  • William C. Duncan: Two points. It’s been pretty much debunked that marriage is for the purpose of procreation. As to “slippery slope” oh please can’t you be more creative?
  • Chuck Donovan: What? I derive some comfort about ancestors? Are you nuts? Read what you wrote. I bet you can’t explain that drivel.
  • Matthew J. Franck: No court mandated marriage equality, no legislative mandated equality. Oh yeah, we usually submit EVERY decision to a referendum. How long have you been in this country bucko?

Well there is a good deal more, but you get the drift. Make sure the roto rooters are all of the same-sex for this band of merry bigots.

It is quite clear to me now that humans are a resilient species. How so? Why it progresses, fitfully I admit, even when only about 10% of its total numbers are certifiably sane. I bet no other species can claim that.You disagree? Well read AlterNet’s list of  “The 10 Craziest State Legislatures in America.”

Read it? Now tell me I’m wrong.

We now need so many roto-rooters that I can justifiably call myself a “job creator.” Lower my taxes you dolt!

 

 

 

Hurrah!

At last! New York State passed a marriage equality bill and Governor Cuomo signed it into law immediately. We’ve been waiting for this for some days, and late in the day yesterday, we learned that the probable delay was the attempt to gather some extra votes so that it would not pass with a one-vote majority and thus leave one person as a target for the right.

It ended up passing with four votes more than needed and apparently eruptions of happiness occurred in the streets.

We congratulate the people of New York and welcome them into the circle of states that have finally recognized that all people are entitled to the freedom to love and be united with the person they love.

Keeping to the theme of love for the moment, great love affairs are a favorite of mine, and the way I often name my pets–Kate and Spencer our first two cats are named after Hepburn and Tracy. A new book is out about the love and lives of Alfred Stieglitz and Georgia O’Keefe. Stieglitz was a photographer, and O’Keefe of course was the well-known painter. Her papers were released in 2006, twenty years after her death, and provide much of the basis for My Faraway One.

I guess even dumb and evil Republican governors can hear the footsteps behind them. Rick Scott, the criminal that was elected in Florida, promised 700,000 jobs. So far he has only lost more jobs for the state with his “business first” schemes. Apparently realizing that his 20′s percentile favorables ain’t gonna win him a second term, Scott has taken to tweeting want-ads he finds. T’would be funny if it were not so darned sad.

There is a new organization in Iowa. Why should you care? Because one is probably coming to a city near you, if it’s not there already. The Iowa Energy Forum claims, through its “members” to be a grassroots organization concerned with “energy self-sufficiency and holding our elected officials accountable.” It’s pet project is the Keystone XL pipeline coming from Canada, and they are pressing presidential candidates to come out in support.

IEF is anything but grassroots. It is funded by the American Petroleum Institute, a trade association representing all the big oil companies, including Koch, Exxon-Mobil and BP. The group has been spotted passing out literature and asking their questions at events for Herman Cain and Mitt Romney as well.

There will no doubt be more of these “grassroots” groups in every state, all being paid for by one corporate interest or another. Beware and check them out. Their websites of course are sparkling clean of any fingerprints left by the corporate masters.

 We all know the religious right is ummm, crazy would be a good word. Now you can read all about it from the inside, from Frank Schaeffer who was raised from birth in the home of two very dedicated evangelicals and his book, How Should We Then Live? was considered formative for no less than Michele Bachmann. We’ll he’s seen the light, and now tells a much different story. This is actually his second book on the subject and is entitled Sex, Mom and God.

The Daily Beast does a nice review, and it’s quite an eye-opener. Schaeffer documents the religious right’s fear and fascination with sex, and how this dominates nearly all their thinking. His own mother told him that his father demanded sex every single night in some weird attempt to avoid the temptation of David with some potential Bathsheba.

Weird, but then you always knew they were.

From time to time, we’ve had occasion to mention the rag WorldNetDaily. It purports to be a “Christian” website, but in reality it is anything but. My crazy high-school classmate used to refer me to it constantly, and she walked with Jesus 24/7 in her own mind.

They always have a banner at the top offering you something to buy that will prepare you for the coming of the final War, such as survival gardens or bunkers or some such crap.

Today’s editorial explains for the zillonth time that Barack Obama is not eligible to be President, just like Hitler wasn’t. Read if for the amusement and leave a nice Facebook comment letting them know they suck.