In Honor of the Super Bowl and a Weeping Jesus

superbowlSomebody opines: What’s the big deal about one single game?

Why it’s an excuse to party!

It’s good clean fun.

It’s means lots of food, most of it not good for ya (the pizza dough is warming and rising as we speak!)

It means drumming fingers as the clock moves slowly to the six beautiful hours of pre-game stories in which we learn that Manning favors tightie-whities, and old neighbors pontificate about what a nice kid that Richard Sherman “used to be”. I mean seriously, this stuff feeds the water cooler conversations for weeks to come.

As of late, well-meaning (I’m being generous, since it’s Sunday) Christians have been referring me and others to some great sites to prove points that alas can’t be proven by definition at such places. Add to this that the Contrarian at least once per day comes into my craft haven to delight me with the latest funny comments by the crazy people who read and follow such stellar hate/agitprop online sites as WorldNewsDaily and Breitbart and of course the ever wonderful Blaze (none of whom deserve the italic appellation due real news sites).

Thought we could share a few as you pine away the hours until the leatherish-laced Adidas/Nike meets the old laced-pig skin (is pig skin really the best material for this ovalate item?)

Over at WorldNetDaily, the site that brings you side bars of “buy gold and silver” (always a staple at end-times sites), a book about the growing race riots in America that nobody in the MSM is reporting on, and a “scientist prepper” wearing goggles and laying face down in his back yard, we proceed to the “news”.

It seems the Seventh Day Adventists in Samoa are having a tough time. You see, they decided to cross the International Date line, in their minds, and go on Australian time given their proximity to that continent. So in order to do that, they skipped a Friday. So the Adventists began to argue. Is the day of worship Saturday now or Sunday, such things being of course essential to proper eternity preparedness.

Now one could argue that such a story is quite amusing, if not sad given that thousands die in war torn regions every day to say nothing of children starving to death, but WND, takes this stuff most seriously. In fact they bring to the table their own “investigation” of when the Sabbath is, Saturday or Sunday, by gathering the thoughts of the “best theological minds around”. I also learned that “some” believe that Jesus abolished that stuff (which is why so many of the MOST ultra ultra right wing religionists don’t attend any church at all, but receive their instructions straight from the Man (always a man I might add) himself in the form of perfect biblical interpretation.

What follows is a very very very long dissertation of the history of the sabbath and whether that is Saturday or Sunday and whether Jesus rose on Sunday, or whether he didn’t, and well, WND never one to miss an opportunity, smack dab in the middle inserts a reminder to buy it’s latest book(s) :

Whether it’s the Sabbath or what the Bible says is the true, glorious destiny for mankind, find out what some don’t want you to know in the No. 1 best-seller, “Shocked by the Bible: The Most Astonishing Facts You’ve Never Been Told” as well as “The Divine Secret:The Awesome and Untold Truth About Your Phenomenal Destiny”  — autographed only at WND! Get both classics bundled together!

I’m sure putting them on my wish list! And please hit the comment section. It’s always worth a few face palms.

Another story focuses on a guy named Zinke who is running for a seat in the US House from Montana. He has declared that Hillary Clinton is the anti-Christ, which may be a first for women, I am not sure. Zinke goes on to say that he asked “seven powerful Republicans if they thought the country could be restored” following the Obama horror, and only one (Newt the toot) said yes. The six remain anonymous. Zinke claims that Gingrich is now a senior advisor to his campaign.

Zinke handed out 50 caliber bullets to the “crowd” of “about” thirty who attended his event.

Again, don’t miss the comments–This article produces the Illuminati, astrology, and more fun facts as well as a rip-roaring discussion about the efficacy of a woman being the anti-Christ.

At Breitbart we learn about Food4Patriots, survival food, that will last you 25 years!

FEMA is hoarding food! And so you gotta get in on this offer immediately, and if you tell anybody about this, they this guy will give your meals to somebody else! See FEMA knows something and is trying to buying up all his supplies, so you better get your order in now. Are you getting the drift? So get your food kits before the government gets them and stores it secretly.

OBAMA DOUBLES DOWN ON DESTROYING ECONOMY! Breitbart headlines scream. It seems that mandating that federal contractors pay employees a minimum wage of $10.10 is what this writer speaks of. He “proves” his point by citing that Hoover tried to keep wages up, and well, look what happened. Except that Roosevelt did the same, and well, somehow we got out of the depression didn’t we? And now Obama is doing the same. It all makes sense as long as you don’t ask for any real facts. Just a lot of innuendo and some snarling that UNIONS got something to do with it.

Oh and don’t miss this at the Blaze. The ever-crazy Glenn Beck, the radio hate-monger Mark Levin and Fox’s own liar-in-residence, Sean (I’m gonna move from NYC) Hannity, are joining forces to save America. Dressed in their best red, white and blue, the trio will be coming to a supermarket near you. The boys now realize that their “feud” (who knew?) was the product of the ever lingering in the ionosphere, “conspiracy” to keep them at each other, and thus not at curing the various ills of the nation.

Gosh, I can sleep well again at last.

Now guys, are you ready for some football? I got a pizza to load up, and some poppers to heat up, and some brownies to devour. Have a great one!

 

 

 

The Chronically Stupid Aways Find an Obtuse Angle

JohnWayneSo much stupid, so little time to expose it all.

First there is the Daily Caller. The Daily Caller is a piece of stupid run by Tucker Carlson, from Fox Noise. The Daily Collection of Stupid leaves no stone unturned in its attempt to be irrelevant, stupidly funny, and masterful in its invention of new ways to be stupid every day.

You no doubt have always known that the Reactionary Right, of which the Daily Curd attempts to be the voice for, is a huge supporter of gay rights? You’re not aware of that? Well, slap yourself silly dumb person and listen up.

pink gunYou see, it’s a crying shame, that compromise bill worked out by Senators Manchin and Toomey. Those darn Democrats, always seeking to betray and abuse their gay brothers and sisters.

The bill, Daily Crap points out, will discriminate against gay gun owners. See if you can figure out why?

Figured it out yet?

Well, you see, in states that don’t recognize gay marriage, said gay gun owner will be forced to submit his or her partner to a background check before selling them or giving them a gun for Christmas. That’s because the “family exception” to the proposed new law would not be recognized in non-same-sex marriage recognizing states.

Yes, indeed. I kid you not as they say.

I guess they forgot the provision about neighbor-to-neighbor transfers. I mean what can be more neighborly than actually living in the same house? Seems about as friendly as neighbors can get doncha think?

I gave you the link, lest you think I was pulling your leg, or attempting a frontal lobotomy with a rusty butter knife.

Next on our hit parade of stupid is the ever growing legend of another of those Texas wonders, Steve Stockman.

babybumperYou remember Steve right? The Texan Representative who decided it was a great idea to invite Ted Nugent, aging rocker with like two old hits over 30 years old, who loves guns more than he loves his kids, and all around crazy conspiracy-laden anti-Obama screamer, to the State of the Union speech? THAT Steve Stockman?

Well this is his new way of attracting the marvelous people who contribute to his campaign to continue being a public nuisance.

This is his newly designed bumper sticker which you can attach to the bumper of your car, horse, or forehead, proclaiming you too are stupid as hell.

Is there anything left to say here? Stockman is offensive on just about all of Dante’s levels of hell.

But my favorite this week? Oh that was easy. You probably heard about the kerfuffle about Melissa Harris Perry’s promo for her show on MSNBC? Where she talks about the education of our children and suggests that children just don’t belong to their parents, but in fact belong to the entire community?

The Really Really Ridiculous Right started fainting and running for smelling salts on that one. One heard the immediate refrain, “COMMUNISM” expounded by the likes of Rush, the Drudge, Daily Caller, and Newsbusters.

Newsbusters said this: “. . .the notion of collective responsibility for children was a philosophy that undergirded the Cultural Revolution in Communist China under Chairman Mao. I bring that up because, as you may recall, another Harris-Perry “Lean Forward” spot contains a reference to a “great leap forward,” which calls to mind the disastrous agricultural reform plan which starved millions of Chinese to death in the 1950s.”

Sarah, “HEY, remember me?” Palin tweeted: Apparently MSNBC doesn’t think your children belong to you. Unflippingbelievable.

Rush ME MORE DRUGS Limbaugh said: So how does this manifest itself? So you need your yard mowed, what do you do?” he continued. “You go knock on the door down the street — your kid that you don’t own. I do today. For the next hour, your kid is going to mow my yard. And then after that, my trash needs taking out and after that I need somebody to go to the grocery store for me and my kid’s tied up, so I’m claiming your kid. How does this work?”

From the Lonely Conservative (who decries a new promo declaring that people have basic human rights to education, food, housing and so forth): Maybe in her next promo she can just come out and quote directly from the Communist Manifesto.

Okay folks, settle down. Let’s recall a few things. There is a rather famous saying, “it takes a village to raise a child.” That is in fact the title of one of Hillary Clinton’s books. Let’s not forget that we all pay property taxes wherever we live, and part of that money goes directly to support local school systems. Guess what? Those who are not parents pay them as well, on the theory that EVERYONE  has a stake in children being educated.

Has everyone on the Right forgotten the “good old days”? You remember when extended families lived together and everyone thought that all children were so much better off having more people busy raising them? Remember the Waltons? Remember when we were children and the teacher as “loco parentis” was considered “always right” if we were disciplined? Remember when any neighbor had a perfect right to correct your behavior if not physically, at least verbally?

Do we not all have a stake in the future of our next generation of teachers, lawyers, doctors, soldiers, and seamstresses? These are the folks who will govern the country when we are using our walkers in the hallways of senior facilities.

I mean how stupid can you be to see something sinister in what Ms Harris-Perry said? How much must you twist and distort it to make it look dangerous and “otherly”?

Do you not see that it is exactly this utterly over-the-top reaction to something so innocent and benign and TRUE, that makes even the fairly non-interested middle of America think the far Right has more than a few screws loose? The GOP and it’s cadre of stupid are swirling into the sinkhole of oblivion and pretty much nobody cares.

Next: RED Jello is a Commie plot with nanobots invading your body and indoctrination in each red sugary gelatin grain.

monkey play

 

Just Hit That Woman With a Stupid Stick Or Honoring Fools on April Fools Day

interracial-marriage-cartoon1Their back!!! Actually they never left.

The extremists in the GOP just can’t stop blabbering about all things sexual. In their expertise, we learn so much, so much it makes you want to run to the nearest cliff and throw yourself off.

The Chair of the Georgia GOP has some thoughts about legalizing marriage between same-sex persons. Seems, in the ranging meanderings of her tiny pimple of a brain, she’s come up with the REAL reason it should be forbidden–not all that religious stuff (although she points out, it is surely “unnatural” to be sure), but on good old Republican principles: FRAUD.

Yes that which strikes at the very heart of any Republican (the pocketbook) is why we should prevent this awful thing from happening.

Her reasoning? Well let me give you her version:

You may be as straight as an arrow, and you may have a friend that is as straight as an arrow,” Everhart said. “Say you had a great job with the government where you had this wonderful health plan. I mean, what would prohibit you from saying that you’re gay, and y’all get married and still live as separate, but you get all the benefits? I just see so much abuse in this it’s unreal. I believe a husband and a wife should be a man and a woman, the benefits should be for a man and a woman. There is no way that this is about equality. To me, it’s all about a free ride.”

Ya see the logic there? Sure you do.

I betcha Ms. Sue Everhart first got that notion from hearing about men and women doing the same darn thing to get those benefits. I bet she did. No gay person ever married a straight person for that reason. Nope, logically? Nope.

HIT THAT WOMAN WITH A STUPID STICK

Ô

Yes it’s another Republican. Funny how all these stories end up being about the whacked Right.

North Carolina seems well on the way of figuring out how to support marriage. You are asking for the answer right?

The answer seems obvious when you think about it. Just outlaw divorce. State Senator Austin Allran (R) wants to amend the Healthy Marriage Act to make divorce even more difficult to obtain, raising the wait time from one year to two. AND couples must attend classes hoping to ‘splain to the  parties how to communicate better. And you can’t live together during that time, and apparently it would change current law that says that isolated incidents of “doing the nasty” don’t toll the waiting time.

Austin who is never to be confused with Austin Powers and well powers of mental acuity, doesn’t have a good answer for spouses seeking divorce from abusive spouses. He apparently hasn’t thought through the possible up tick in spousal homicide either.

HIT THAT MAN WITH A STUPID STICK

Ô

Chris Brown is 23 years old.

Chris Brown had 52 weeks of counseling.

Chris Brown now assures us that he FINALLY learned it was absolutely wrong to beat women.

HIT THAT MAN WITH A STUPID STICK (TWICE JUST TO BE SURE)

Ô

Remember our dear friends (NOT) Todd Akins (women who are legitimately raped?) and Allen West (I shoulda been court martialed)? Remember among all their nonsense, they were always railing about government waste, and those terrible spending Democrats? Remember them?

Well, lawdy lawdy, we don’t always do as we say others should now do we? The two who were always for cutting funding to every program that had to do with helping the poor–what did they get caught doing?

Just giving huge bonuses (at taxpayer expense of course) to their staffs as a parting goodbye when both LOST their election bids. Of the top 10 most gifting of congress persons, 9 were Republican and of the top 20, 14 were among those ousted by the electorate.

Let’s all get together and ask them to spell H Y P O C R I T E shall we?

HIT BOTH THOSE MEN WITH A STUPID STICK–IN FACT LEAVE IT EMBEDDED IN THEIR BACKSIDES

Ô

The Outraged Right, is often willfully ignorant. Now I know a thing or two about that, since I have FB “friends” who are determined to be just that, and they think I’m calling them stupid, which is proof enough eh?

Well, if you noticed, Google on its search engine did its usual holiday google doodle and instead of honoring the risen Lord, they chose to honor Cesar Chavez whose 86th birthday it would have been and for which March 31 is set aside to honor him.

Well, the Right went mad indeed, claiming that this was all intentional and of course “organized by the White House” who hates Christians if ya were not already aware.

Well, to gum it up, Michelle Malkin, thought Cesar was Hugo and well, that really really pissed them off.

Even when people said, hey Michelle, you confused Cesar with Hugo, well it made them no difference. It was still awful. And they are all moving to Bing, which showed Easter eggs on its search engine, which as everyone knows is properly reminiscent of Jesus (they had deviled eggs at the last supper I’m told with a hint of horseradish).

Well, as you can see, it signals the demise of Christianity in America. Google has tipped the boulder, and it is now careening down the slippery slope into Muslim/Atheism/Secular/Fascism/JimmineyCricketspantsareonfire/hellanddamnation.

HIT THE ENTIRE RIGHTWING RELIGIOSITY IN NAME NOT IN GAME GROUP WITH THE STUPID STICK.

And all of you have a blessed, or cursed April Fools Day.

Putting “Bob” in a Search Engine

Robert Melendez 1You know, everybody says they “don’t believe everything” they hear. Everybody likes to think of themselves as discerning individuals who eyes can’t be covered with wool. But the truth is, most people aren’t educated, or have not taken the time to really work at what can only be termed a skill set.

Being a critical reader doesn’t come naturally. A Facebook friend of mine is busy trying to educate a few people about how to tell the questionable from the reliable. He makes a good point. You might want to ignore a source that gives you salacious or wild headlines without a corresponding story. In other words, if the headlines don’t turn out to match the actual verifiable facts in the story, well, you might want to look elsewhere.

A case in point was a recent Rachel Maddow show wherein Ms. Maddow referred to the town hall meeting that John McCain had. A woman referred to her son as having been the victim of gun violence. She wanted to know about what laws Congress might pass. McCain first expressed his condolences for the loss of the woman’s son, and then remarked that “Congress was not going to ban assault weapons.”

Now Rachel indicated that the tape of this had been edited by a local news operation, and that “it might unfairly portray Senator McCain as lacking in compassion. (the tape omitted the sentence regarding McCain’s sympathies). The tape was offered for the news that McCain was saying that the GOP was not going for any ban on assault weapons and this was before there had even been any hearings on Feinstein’s bill.

Yet, the headline from a right-wing shrill machine was something like “Rachel Maddow gleefully admits she edited tape to make GOP look bad.”

I assume you get the point.

The Daily Caller has been pushing the Melendez story. You have obviously heard about it. Melendez is accused of cavorting with paid prostitutes at a friend’s home in the Dominican Republic. The story was apparently “leaked” by GOP operatives and offered to ABC news. They declined.

The right-wingers would say, “see, the MSM is in the pocket of the Democrats. They don’t report on misconduct of one of their own.” Is that what happened? No. Not at all.

The fact is that ABC interviewed one of the “prostitutes”. When asked how she knew that the man she had only known as “Bob” was a US senator, she replied that “I put his name in a search engine and Melendez’ picture came up.”

Why, I invite you to try that and see what you get.

ABC news declined the offer as “unreliable”, which of course The Daily Caller jumped all over it. Which one do you want to use as a source of information? (And I’m not pushing ABC news since I don’t find them all that good either.)

Which brings me full circle, since yesterday I unfairly maligned a nurse quite possibly, for failing to render CPR assistance to an elderly assisted-living woman. Apparently the woman had signed a DNR and I can presume that the nurse was aware of it. Or I would expect that was possible. In any case, I admittedly relied on only what I heard on news broadcasts from MSM and failed to delve any deeper into better sources. Mea Culpa. Live and learn. Hoisted on my own petard. (please insert any another euphemism that seems appropriate)

I’m inclined at this point to urge the government to just put a big ole fence around the state of Texas. Now granted, they are a big state, and they have a big population, but for Jimminy Cricket’s sake, they can’t have THAT many idiots can they?

Louis the Loon Gohmert is wasting your tax dollars once again with his amendment rider to a budget bill that would prevent any “federal funds” being used to transport the President to any golf outing until “White House tours are resumed”. Louis woke up from a drug-induced dream and thought he was in Lilliputian land again. The White House suspended tours to save money ala the sequester. Louis takes up space on the planet. I vote to suspend him from a hot air balloon, attached to the capital dome.

Another dim bulb in the state Senate wants to suspend operations like Planned Parenthood from submitted sex education materials to schools that teach sex education. Although all such materials are already subject to public availability and parental veto, Ken Paxton thinks (I know, a crazy word to apply to many in Texas), that present law doesn’t go far enough.

Places like PPH should not be allowed to offer health care information because of course they have a “conflict” of interests. Being that they provide abortions, they most surely would be promoting sex by unmarried teens as a way to, you know, keep business up.  While no example of any information that does that was offered as proof, insiders believe that if you put the brochures in water with a teaspoon of sugar, the words “HAVE SEX NOW!” will appear across the top of each page.

Okay, I added that last part.

And people talk about the misuse of taxes.

Related articles

Time Flies When Gravity Hibernates

badfeetBe a blogger! You too can make up inane titles that will confuse and confound. Everyone races to see what the hell she’s talking about today!

Oh, hi there.

Just reporting briefly on the home front.

The Contrarian has met the oral surgery and he has lived to tell tales of wonder and astonishment. Actually he’s doing well, slurping down plenty of protein drinks and spacing out on percocet, which is a form of oxycodone, and sleeping sweetly.

My feet are doing vastly better. Turns out I don’t have bone spurs, but rather plantar fasciites. That is the inflammation of the tendon that runs from heel to ball and supports the arch. There is a marvelous product out there that is a heel support you put in your shoes. It almost immediately relieved the intense pain. While I still feel it, its hugely better and hopefully now healing. I’m also popping an Advil every eight hours or so.

The broken toe is more in the vicinity of “sore” rather than painful. I’m back into my tennis shoes, and have bought some hiking shoes that with the inserts should prove supportive. I still have my broken toe taped to its new best friend, the middle toe, and they are fast buds now. The bruising has spread to nearly my main man toe, but the area is barely tender at all now. I should be walking Diego by Monday or so.

Speaking of which, the poor boy is utterly freaked by the changes in his daily grind. No walks, and well the Contrarian ain’t the ball of fun he usually is–not throwin’ the ball and wrestling the boy. All of which makes him anxious, and when he is anxious he worries about I guess being abandoned. So he’s been going through a twelve-inch rawhide bone in about a day and a half, chewing himself silly. He’s a needy little guy, all the more endearing for his anxiety. I’m going to walk him a short way today and hope he doesn’t know the difference.

So. Now that you are thoroughly bored, let’s see what the cartoon world has to say today.

The gun safety “discussions” go on. NRA

With some 90+ percent of the population favoring strong background checks, one wonders how long the reactionary right can hold out with its series of lies and fear-based tropes.

The survivalists will continue to listen as Wayne La Pee Pee Pierre threatens that to give an inch will be to give up the 2nd Amendment all together, for as he warns, Sandy Hook is what the President has been waiting for to do what he has always wanted: take away your guns.

The fact that not one single piece of legislation, nor rhetoric in over four years has suggested any such thing, is well, beside the point.

To a nut case, the very failure of predictions to come true, is why you should worry. It’s just a matter of time.

And the sun will one day devour and incinerate the earth. It too is just a matter of time.

Path-to-Citizenship-PoliticsA band of Dems and GOP’er’s are trying to fashion some sort of immigration policy.

The fascinating thing is this:

When Republicans are polled, something like 64% or so favor it. When the President’s name is attached to immigration reform, (with the same general details), favor-ability falls to 31%.

Tell me once again, that GOP opposition to the President is about policy and not about race. Do tell me again.

I continue to hear the same tired arguments: our borders are porous. Well the number of persons trying to enter the southern border without benefit of papers, has fallen dramatically since 2004. More entering illegally are sent back than ever before. In some studies there is now a negative effect, with more returning to their country of origin that coming here because they can’t find work.

Is the system fool-proof? No. But it’s hardly the sieve the reactionary Right portrays either.

The-DumbphoneIt truly is impossible to gain any modicum of truth if you don’t know how to judge what you are watching and reading.

But this seems lost on those who have drunk of the kool-aid and found it “mmmm-mmmm good.” You see folks, when you have belief, and somebody out there is more than happy to tell you that you are right, you tend to be reinforced that your are right.

More so when you are told that even though you barely graduated from high school, and never liked to read, you are right anyway, well, whoa, what a rush!

Now add some “don’t listen to them other folks, they are all liars and just want to brainwash you”.

And then for good measure, use a logo “Fair and Balanced.”

Now you got ‘em. And your robots will recite free of charge–

Hey you libtards, stop being sheeple and think for yourself, like we do!

That is a mind, tiny as can be, that has been trashed. I’m not sure it can be resurrected.

rubioWell, it was funny after all.

Say what you want, he was a nervous wreck.

And his message was rather pedestrian.

I mean, talk about how student loans enabled you to go to college, and then trash the idea that the government can help you succeed?

Talk about living in a working class neighborhood and then offer your house up for sale at $675,000 bucks, (with a pool)?

Claim that the “government can’t control the weather” as you answer to climate change?

 

And as always, may your day be brightened by a sweet face:

Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful. . . .

Don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful. . . .

 

Rand Paul For President!

rand_paul_kingUh, NO!

Perhaps the most amusing moment during Hillary Clinton’s testimony before Congress yesterday, was her encounter with the weird Randal. Son of the famous Ron Paul, the Libertarian who whines that nobody gives him his props as a serious candidate, Randal represents the fair state of Kentucky, where of course, his stable mate is Mitch “the Turtle” McConnell.

Now Randal has delusions of being president. He plans to carry the GOP banner in 2016, after fending off the likes of Bobby Jindal and Marco Rubio, two who can at least claim foreign-ness as a bonus point. Randal can only claim stupid (his under understanding of the Constitution is rather stellar), with a strong dose of crazy mixed in.

Yesterday, Randal tried to go toe to toe with Hillary. And he hitched up his jammies and told Hillary that well you can read it for yourself:

I think that ultimately with your leaving you accept responsibility for the worst culpability for the worst tragedy since 9/11. And I really mean that. Had I been president at the time and I found that you did not read the cables from Benghazi, you did read the cables from Ambassador Stevens, I would have relieved you of your post. I think it’s inexcusable.

Of course, I was hoping for something utterly dry like, “Well, on so many levels, Senator, we are assured that THAT won’t be happening!” But she is a diplomat after all.

Worst tragedy since 9/11? Wow, that leaves out Katrina, Hurricane Sandy, Aurora, Sandy Hook, and a half-dozen tornadoes I can think of. It leaves out the fairly senseless deaths of all those killed in Iraq and probably a goodly number of those killed in Afghanistan.

When you go for the killer punch Senator, it’s so tempting to make something so much bigger than it really is. When you are on national TV and all, and have an ego as big as Texas and have delusions of being POTUS, yourself.

You’re an idiot. Go sit in the corner and suck your thumb Randal.

¿

Johnny S. McCain promised us that he had a lot of questions he wanted answers to. He didn’t ask any. He just pontificated. The old war-horse who never met a war he didn’t want to send somebody’s kids to fight (so they could enjoy all the fun he had), claims that Ambassador Stevens told him personally that security was not up to snuff in Benghazi. Whom did he tell?

No one as far as anyone can ascertain. And how about those Republican holds on funds for security in Libya and other places? John had nothing to say about that either.

Same old Johnny. Just a lot of angry old complaints that amount to “I woulda been a better President than him, I would have!”

Old record, John, and it’s beginning to skip. I think the record is scratched.

¿

I loves me some conspiracies.

So good with a nice cup of hot chocolate.

Nobody is better at the game of conspiracy hunting that that dear boy Glenn (where went my fame?) Beck.

Beck, if you didn’t know, runs that rag The Blaze, which is on the sleaze factor one point up and over from WorldNetDaily, and one point down and over from the other twin  bunker Breitbart, home of the Breitbots, which is an oxymoron, cuz nobody there is in any way deserving of the adjective “bright”.

Beck having found no fun in Texas, is back in the Big Apple trying to re-invent himself. And since Glenn is all about conspiracies, his latest is something of a tongue-twister. So hold on to your hats, private parts, or the porcelain throne as it fits your predilections.

Beck suggests that we must rid ourselves of all those OLD Conspiracies, they being the birther issues, and the Sandy Hook conspiracy. Sandy Hook conspiracy your gasp? What is that about? Oh, didn’t you hear? The Obama administration did Sandy Hook. Killed those little kids just to use it as a focus for taking away your guns! Boy, now it makes sense right?

Oh.

Well, Beck, says, whoa, you know, how many people would have to be involved in such a plan–to shoot up a school, and all that? No, that’s CRAZY!

Beck says, that all these conspiracy theories are just things that Obama USES to deflect your attention so that you don’t see the REAL conspiracies. I know, I know. Let me start that again. Slowly.

The crazy theories exist out there in the ether. And Obama grabs onto them, and feeds them surreptitiously to keep your conspiracy-lovin’ noggin occupied. All the while, the REAL conspiracy is going on behind your back. You know the one I mean–all the NEW WORLD ORDER ILLUMINATI DRACONIAN PLANS BY THE CAPITALIST-HATING, FASCIST/SOCIALIST/COMMUNIST/ LOVIN’ O-B-A-M-A.

Glad you know the truth? I bet you are. Shine up that AK-15, cuz baby you are gonna be using it soon against those black helicopters headin’ your way.

Don’t believe me? Think I made it up? Ha!

So, now that your mind is functionally unable to do anything else but count dust bunnies under the bed, I’ll leave you dear reader until tomorrow.

Or, leave an incoherent, but pithy, and funny, if at all possible, comment.

The Good News Is. . . .

After the bad. I believe in delayed gratification. I told you that a thousand times. Take your medicine and then you can have dessert. So this is your medicine:

This is how we are going to win the war against assault weapons. Bring on this fool along with Mr. La Pee Pee Lapierre and this goose is cooked. I mean, as Commonweal suggested, THIS is all you need to argue in favor of gun control. This fool should never be allowed near a safety-pin let alone a gun.

So you have had your medicine and now you get the dessert:

  1. I’m told that according to Rasmussen polling, only about 8% of people now identify with the agenda of the Tea People. That’s great news. The GOP appears screwed however since they have gerrymandered the map so badly that at least on the congressional level they will still be finding these bedbugs crawling out from under the mattress for some time to come. Which means the GOP will continue to act and sound like petulant and really stupid children who need a good paddling, if I were of the persuasion that children should be assaulted physically, which I am not. But it’s worth considering an exception here. No, just kidding. Just pat them on the head and send them to bed without supper.
  2. The Washington National Cathedral, home to the diocese of the Washington Episcopal church announced it will be performing same-sex marriage. This is in keeping with the national church’s decisions as I understand it. The national church was on the verge of this I believe when I was still involved with it, a couple of years ago. This is wonderful news to all of us who believe in equality.
  3. Lindsey Graham continues to dig out from under John McCain’s shadow and establish that he can be an even bigger douche on his own. Lindsey, terrified of being primaried for 2014, is just throwing tantrums left and right. His latest? He may place a hold on Brennan’s confirmation as the next director the CIA unless he gets answers on Benghazi. Do you hear? Lindsey wants answers. He’s determined to try to prove that the Obama administration changed the facts to help the election campaign, although it is still unclear how that was supposed to work. Lindsey sounds like Julia Child on drugs. And he is still determined to “shut ‘er down” if he doesn’t get some spending cuts and pronto too. This is all Lindsey is saying now, until he gets new directives from the Tea People who depend on 6th graders to transcribe their irrational thoughts onto paper.
  4. Nicki Minaj has just signed with KMart to do a line of clothes. I know, I can’t wait either.
  5. The military is thinking of offering yoga and meditation classes. This has Tony Perkins of Family Research Council all in a tizzy. It seems to this nut looking for shell, such things are “wacky substitutes” for that good time religion of the fundamentalist flavor.
  6. You have heard of the Breitbots haven’t you? Breitbart is deceased. But his followers go on in his name. One of them has written a book. It suggests that after all this time of being so nice to liberals, they just can’t do it any more. It’s time to be uncivil they proclaim. I don’t think if we hadn’t been told we would ever have known the difference. No more compromise with those bullies they shout!
  7. Winner of the “YOU DAMN FOOL” award this week goes to Congressman Steve Palazzo, who years after Katrina is still asking Congress for money for his state of Mississippi, didn’t vote for disaster relief for the victims of super storm Sandy. We understand the Congressman has suddenly realized that stupidity has consequences. He now pledges his support. Tea People–stupid is as stupid does.
  8. AIG, who in concert with a few others, nearly ruined this country. They were bailed out. They were SAVED from their own stupidity. They have paid the money back. Now they are thinking of suing the US government, kinda of like saying, thanks for saving my life, but dang you tore my expensive jacket in the process–please pay for it. What a bunch of douches. (I need new words to describe these dopes) Just go to jail, and do not pass GO.
  9. Move along, no gawking. Nothing going on here. Oh, yes, the US recorded the highest average temperature EVER in the history of counting. EVER. But that is got nothing to do with climate change. There is snow on the ground in the usual places. ‘Nuf said.

I know, you are plum tuckered out from all that dessert. So take a break and move into a mood swing or two.