The South Has Fallen Way Off the Edge of Stupid

dogs-waiting-in-line-to-pee11Gather round children, it’s time to hear a story.

It’s a story about a land called Merika.

It was once a jolly place living in the delusion of self-congratulatory goodness.

Yes, these Merikans believed themselves not only special, but specially good.

They stood for apple pie, Mom, and freedoms which were countless in number, as many as stars in the sky.

People from all over Gaia did whatever necessary to get to the land of Merika and we welcomed the poor, and tired, although why they were tired from sitting on a boat is a question seldom asked.

Course, the People who lived in Merika (who never named it just calling it home) were not nearly so impressed with these new Merikans and their ways. Their “ways” including pretty much telling the People to go jump in the Pacific, for they needed the Merika for a thing called “capitalism”, which sounded capital but turned out to be just another scam for the rich to inherit the earth.

They stole some folks and made them work for no wages, which gave a pretty unusual cast to capitalism and gave new meaning to the concept of “good people”.

They then got nosy in other people’s business in other places not Merika by explaining with bombs and such that they too should be like Merika (as best they could, given they were not special).

Anyways, Merikans prospered (at least most and as long as most is more than other countries, it was accounted perfect), but the thing about this capitalism is that some very few Merikans got filthy filthy wealthy, and they didn’t share with nobody. They bought houses and visited them a couple of weeks a year, and maybe not even every year. They traveled to other lands, always remarking that these other lands were not as nice as Merika, but they bought stuff that reminded them of these inferior places anyway. They boat boats too, and sailed the oceans blue.

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Meanwhile, lots of Merikans got dirt poor. So the rich grew a bit scared. “What if they blame us for taking all the money?”

So the rich invented stuff like “Protestant work ethic, and pulling oneself up by one’s own bootstraps” and explained that rich people work really hard.

So poor people worked really hard.

But it didn’t help. And they were getting really riled.

So rich people told them that it was because of all those freed people, and all those other-than-white people who were the cause of their misery. They were “takers” and the gov’mint was givin’ away all their hard-earned money to “those others.”

And Merkia got more and more split apart between the few haves and the enormous have-nots.

The haves decided that the best thing to do was to make it hard for the have-nots to vote.

And this reached the height of heights in a silly state called Florida which looks a lot like a flaccid penis, and when you stop to think about it, it’s a bunch of flaccid penises that promoted the new law they have. And when you add in that most of the people in Florida are really really old, then that picture of very very old wrinkly flaccid penises will sear your brain for all eternity.

Anyway, this law, says that if you go get in line to vote, you can’t have someone save your place while you go pee. They figure that given the relative age of voters in Florida, this will reduce the lines a lot.

It may of course just encourage a lot of very very old and wrinkly flaccid penises to be publicly exposed. Not to say about what it might mean to that phrase “trickle down economics.”

I don’t know how this will give the rich a boost at the polls however. Unless it means that rich people think that only they can afford Depends. I guess it depends on what you call poor. :/

Close by in the land of Louisiana, a land that like most in the South, spends a lot of time talking about the honored sacredness of the “Constitution”–a document that once upon a time, they sought to distance themselves from in the quest for cotton-pickers at no cost, has found time to reason together in an unreasonable way.

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Seems they have decided that like having a state flower and a state bird, a state really oughta have a “state book”.  And although the CONSTITUTION suggests that the state should “make no law” that has the effect of favoring any religion, the crawdaddys there decided that that doesn’t mean what it says or say what it means, and the bible would be a fittin’ state book, because as we all know, it says what it means and means what it says.

No doubt it will be one and one only version of that book although there are hundreds, because as everyone knows, God spoke to King James and said, “go forth and translate my words and call it your version of my words” which is not exactly God’s version, but thinking any deeper than that makes my head ache.

 

And so my child, this is the story of a special land, a special people, and a special time.

And they all lived happily ever after in the land that everyone else called Stupid.

Amen, and good night.

 

Welcome_to_the_Land_of_IDiots

It’s Not Left vs Right, It’s Right vs Wrong

MoralMondayA movement is arising.

It began with Occupy Wall  Street.

It arose with Moral Mondays in North Carolina.

It’s spreading.

Throughout the South.

It’s moving to Wisconsin, and there are murmurings in Missouri.

People are getting tired of being tired.

And it’s not Democrats although no doubt most are. It includes Republicans and Independents and people who have little to do with politics. It includes some business folk, but probably not so many as people who are working stiffs. And poor. Lots of the poor.

And they come to state legislatures and stand in silent witness that these bodies of Republican control are unjust and immoral.

Yes immoral.

Republican extremism known by the name of Tea Party, is an immoral wound in America and people are not going to take it any more.

Let us be clear. Like it or not, believe it or not, (and the extremists are very good at refusing to accept reality), big business (aka Koch brothers) organized and funded the Tea Party movement. Their intentions were not made known of course but their intentions are clear: reduce taxes on the rich, reduce corporate taxes, reduce regulation on business, and continue to subsidize business so we can continue to laud “free market economies” (which of course given all this are not even close to being free, but are protected by government itself) as the best thing on earth.

To the Tea Party they formed, the message went: your taxes are going to takers not makers. You have worked hard and deserve that money yourselves. All you need do is fund the military so we can continue to enforce our will of “right” on the world. We can create the jobs if you just do your part and give us a free hand. That’s what democracy is all about, that is capitalism. It’s the government and its incessant socialistic welfare mentality that is destroying this country.

Now some of the Tea Party are well-educated business types. They are tiny business operations for the most part, but they like to think of themselves as “entrepreneurs” which makes them sound like the Kochs, and Trumps and those kind. But most of the Tea Party consists of not very well-educated white aging men and their overly made up and coiffed wives who like that idea that more money should be in their hands and not going to “those” people. You know “those” people, the ones are required to called “black” now, when in the day it was fine to call them “N*****”? And all those Mexicans, which are still just Mexicans, even though plenty of “them” actually come from Guatemala and Nicaragua and other places called Latin America. And then there are those “Orientals” from the “Orient” since Asian is still not de rigueur in this culture, and it’s all one big country isn’t it? After all, Sarah thought Africa might be a country, right?

Then in the ultimate hypocrisy of all hypocrisies, there in a dose of “Christianity” to hide that racism/downright hatred underneath. “See, it’s not me, it’s God who has a problem with fags!” And if that makes them feel vulnerable, well, throw in a dose of the 2nd Amendment was made for you and me, and voila, we have a mess of a human being filled with self-righteous hate, little actual knowledge of the world, but a gun-defended arrogance to do everything but call it publicly what they call it privately.

But ordinary folks are getting tired. Ordinary decent people who don’t have to wave a bible around to know what is right and what is wrong. And they are tired of watching years of work being undone by barely literate Republican senate and house members who pass insane laws one after another, making it safe and right for white America to live in their fantasy of the “good ole days”.

So people are marching. And more of them march every week.

NAACP ProtestsIN NORTH CAROLINA THE GOP HAS SINCE 2010:

  1. Raised taxes on the lowest 80% of it’s citizens
  2. Removed a tax credit on 900,000 working families
  3. Enforced restrictive voter laws
  4. Blocked increased Medicaid coverage for the poor
  5. Cut Pre-Kindergarten funding
  6. Cut unemployment benefits
  7. Voted itself a right to intervene in abortion lawsuits
  8. Repealed a law that allowed death row inmates to challenge their convictions on racial grounds
  9. Increased the standards at abortion clinics to that of surgical centers and made it illegal to offer abortion coverage if you are a public health insurance company.
  10. Offered no increase in base salary to school teachers even though they are paid at the lowest rate in the country.
  11. Tenure is to be phased out and no salary increases are to be given for master’s degrees. Teachers aides are severely cut.

IN GEORGIA, THE GOP HAS:

  1. Refused to grant increase in Medicaid coverage affecting some 600,000 Georgians and made it a crime to assist someone who is seeking ACA coverage.
  2. Cut more than 7.6 BILLION dollars to public education over the last 10 years.
  3. Restricted workers rights and benefits
  4. Promoted more stand your ground and like gun legislation.
  5. Cut unemployment benefits
  6. Promoting enforcement of voter suppression laws.

When you go nation wide, the results are the same. GOP-led legislatures are doing the Koch’s bidding everywhere, often with bills written by the KOCH legislative arm, ALEC. Everywhere the tune is the same–lower taxes on the rich, cut out programs for the poor, all with the promise to Mr. and Mrs. White OLD people–this will all benefit you, we promise. Just wait for it.

Let me repeat. There is nothing Christian in any of this. People who are TEA PARTY adherents and claim they are Christian are lying. They are at best Christianists, people who use the bible and their own personal interpretation of it to hide behind while they endorse and argue for a denial of health care for the poor (they can use the emergency ward if they need to — duh who pays for that stupid?), a denial public education to the poor (let’s have vouchers, and the poor will end up with the poorest of poor systems but they had their “choice”), a denial of food, unemployment insurance (that breeds dependence and doesn’t teach work ethic–yeah hungry babies are eager to work), a denial of voting rights (everybody can get a voter ID–yeah except for the cost and the travel to a distance center, and oh yeah, lots of people can’t get a birth certificate any more because records are lost, but a gun permit is okay, but  student ID is not), a denial of basic rights to undocumented workers (since they steal our jobs–yeah we were wondering where you were in the bean fields yesterday and even the little one’s can pick can’t they?), a denial of fair wage (business can pay whatever it wants to, that’s the American way–along with child labor, and unsafe working conditions right?), and on and on…

They say all this and have the temerity, the audacity, the chutzpah, to suggest that Jesus would approve! Jesus hated government they say, and Jesus hated the minimum wage. Jesus loved guns and self-defense. Jesus is nothing more than a malleable dummy used while these vile gutless wonders shrink in horror at their own diseased and flesh eaten faces staring out from the dead sockets from which they look upon a world they hate as it slips from their nail-torn fingers.

Lord save me from the Christianists and though I don’t believe in Hell, but God, sometimes I wish there was one, for these puke excuses of humanity.

Other than that, I’m having a great Sunday.

A Typhoon in the Bathtub Only Threatens the Rubber Ducky

rubberduckyExcuse me if I’m a bit confused here.

The GOP has agreed on one thing–to a man and woman they HATE Obamacare. I mean they don’t just think it’s not a good program, they see it, also to a man and woman as the singularly one piece of legislation that will be known historically as the only and complete cause of the demise of the Republic and like a domino, will precipitate the collapse of Western civilization (which is the only one worth discussing of course) as we know it.

They have worked tirelessly since its passage to repeal it, defund it, and/or otherwise make it ineffective. They have sued it, screwed it, and otherwise squeezed it until every bit of blood was drained from its carcass. This they have tried.

They have warned the public that the plug would be pulled on grandma, that death panels would deny their precious precocious preteen the very treatment needed for life, all in the name of communistic commune-style equality. They have said that the doctor you love so much that you never forget her birthday, will be ripped from your arms to be replaced by automatons spitting forth paper check-off symptomatic lists and nurses that cackle in the hallway as you sit drenched in sweat and shivering dressed in your paper suit awaiting the verdict from a committee of cost-cutting psychopaths.

They have, in the guise of their governorships and GOP-controlled state houses, refused to participate in enlarging their own Medicaid rolls, even when guaranteed that for the first three years the Federal government would pick up the entire tab and 90% of the tab thereafter. They have sat with arms crossed and refused to set up exchanges to allow their citizens easier sign-up.

They have threatened the very economy of the entire country rather than give up on their pipe dream of ending this law–all in the name of stopping the vicious damage they have predicted would ensue to Ma and Pa Kettle and all their lil’ childrens across the great American landscape.

Sooooooo.

It strikes me as odd, that when your constant refrain to folks is, by golly gee wiz, doncha dare sign up for that devil-inspired, dripping with communistic red health care plan, that when there are problems, as there always are, with the website and sign-up procedures, you are not jumping for joy at how many people are being saved from the evil law, but rather you are complaining about how difficult it is for people to sign up as if that is evidence that the law is all kinds of bad.

I mean my head is turning around faster than Regan in the Exorcist. Aren’t they glad the sign-up is not working? Instead all I see are properly “horrified” members of Republican rectitude moaning about how this “has got to be fixed” or defunded, or repealed, whichever.

Has there been ONE SINGLE offer of a solution?

Has there been ONE SINGLE offer of an alternative to insure those presently uninsured?

Oh, yeah, I forgot, this is the party of NO. This is the party of destruction. This is the party of no government is good government.

Except where you and my uteruses are concerned. Except where who I sleep with is concerned. Except where who I pray to is concerned. Except to what I learn as science is concerned. Except there. Oh yeah and except where there are enough cheap junk F-18+ how ever many more there are today that still don’t work worth a damn but until there are enough of them to have one in every damn driveway of America–Strength Through Massive Military Might–. Except where it concerns black and brown people and their pesky determination to continue having children and making me sooo uncomfortable that they might not want to the same things I do, so I need to keep them marginalized with voter suppression laws. Have I left anything out?

Now, the President has called once again for the House of Representatives of Big Business to get off their yawning asses and get on with some immigration reform. And the response of  Speaker out of both sides of his mouth, Boehner and his wanna be speaker next, Eric Cantor, has been, why sure we need some of that, cuz as rational? Republicans we know that we gotta placate those brown faces EVENTUALLY or we will never win a damn election again. But the rank and file? Oh my heavens no.

The same crazy that brought you 16+ days of glorious “screw America” can’t wait to bring you more of that sort of crap, because “I can’t stand to even look at your face” and you know that means that we can’t do a thing that would make this BLACK Demon look good. We enjoy cutting off our noses to spite our ugly faces doncha know? Course it ain’t got a thing to do with our fear that we as pasty white dudes are losing control of the reins of power. We are wearing Depends all the time now, cuz we are so scared you will do unto us as we have traditionally done unto you. But you’re being Black? Why that’s irrelevant to our cause, and besides you are only half-black which means something even worse to hear it from the TeaLegions of Crazy.

Which all goes to say, that I am expecting nothing to change.

Did you know these lazy asses have only 19 more days to work for the whole rest of the year?

And I am so very sick and tired of talking points.

And I’m in favor of taking a lottery system and putting everybody’s name in the drum, and drawing out the requisite number of sending them forth to Washington. It could not seriously be worse. I mean can you imagine worse at this point? Don’t you feel rather Italian? Or Greek? Hurrah, we now have governments just as chaotic and worthless as much of Europe. Or truthfully, are we more like China, with only the illusion of government meant to mimic real ones?

I’m going back to bed. At least my dreams involved palm trees, and warm sands and softly brushing waves upon the shore of my sanity.

I Have Nothing to Wear to a Funeral

Teabagger2Disclaimer! This is not original thought. I give all credit to Andrew Sullivan in his thought-provoking remarks here. He makes some very cogent points, and when you add up the evidence, I think he might well be right.

Sullivan argues that the GOP as it exists today has ceased to be a political party. It no longer acts rationally, from a national party point of view, but rather has been captured by a group and is being forced to take on its persona.

He argues that the GOP is now nothing more than a religious party.

Think of a snake devouring a furry mouse, swallow by swallow until it simply disappears and is digested to be no more.

National political parties exist for the purpose of ostensibly giving voice to their constituents. We can of course argue that neither the Democrats nor the GOP exist for that purpose any more, but rather as a vehicle by which to motivate their constituents to vote them into office with the promise that it will benefit them. The book of apologies for not doing that is of course at the ready and is every two or four years, dragged out and used to “explain” why it was not possible to do most of what was promised.

National parties, however, tend to the flock if you will, by making it appear that they truly care.

We have terms for the political spectrum. Libertarian, Progressive, Liberal, Conservative, Reactionary, Anarchist, and so forth. Those terms are defined, and have over the eons of political discourse starting at least in Athens, come to mean something. But in this country, Sullivan argues that the term Conservative no longer means what it means around the world. For in this country, so-called Conservatives don’t act that way at all.

In England and in Australia, the Conservatives support gay rights. It is logical that they do so. They see it as a conservative thing. Since the objections to marriage equality come almost exclusively from the religious sector of society, true conservatives are determined to keep religion out of the governing region, as we too, by our Constitution, claim to desire.

Yet in this country, people who call themselves conservatives are vehemently opposed marriage equality. Moreover, these same people are exceedingly happy to have the state involved in women’s bodies. teabagger3

Across the country in states controlled by Republican majorities, we find bill after bill  determined to interfere with Roe v Wade, bills  that are patently unconstitutional on their face. Planned Parenthood, the rallying point for so many Tea People, is facing such an onslaught of legislation deemed “regulatory” that it is closing offices all over. Women who wish abortions now face the real problem of transporting themselves hundreds of miles to find a provider. This is intended. It is working.

Every means is being used to embarrass and shame women, by forcing them like children to view sonograms, and endure body probes, and various “counseling” because surely women don’t understand what’s in their uterus.

These are not conservative actions. They are actions of those who wish the government to be MORE, not less intrusive in their lives. Except of course the rub is obvious–they don’t intend the intrusion to be in their lives–just yours.

If that is true of conservatives, what can be said of Libertarians who are even more hysterical at the idea of government. Yet Rand Paul, the libertarian + teabagger, finds himself not only opposing abortion and apparently in favor of all these attacks on women’s rights, but is also against marriage equality, finding, as insane as it sounds, that it will surely lead to marriage with animals.

A true conservative would be in favor (one would think) in their being as little government intrusion into the sacred sphere of voting. Yet across the land, conservative-held states are enacting again and again laws that make it more difficult to vote, at least for certain segments. Tea baggers, without batting an eye will tell you that they aren’t really sure that non-property owners should vote.

While some of the old-timer Republicans see the necessity of reaching out to the gay community and the Latino community as a means of party survival, not so the teabaggers. They figure that there must be a way to.” get more “white people to vote for them.” Do you hear that? Let’s become the White Party! What could be wrong with that?

And indeed, I suspect that the average teabagger, uneducated as they usually are, would agree. In the fundamentalist world they live in, Cain was that dark one who was banished. The mark of Cain has always been “being born black” to that crowd. It remains such, no matter how much the rhetoric changes. It spawns the “playing the race card” defense and the “uncle Tom black Republicans” we see today. teabagger6

Couple that with the conservative love for loyalty to one’s “tribe” and suspicion of those not “one of us”, and you have all the makings for a racism that simply over rides common sense and evidence.

It brings you the likes of Phyllis Schafly and her continuous assertions that Latinos aren’t “our kind“, and should be ignored by the new GOP.

But it brings forth more than racism.

It brings forth the true agenda of the new GOP.

It has everything to do with theocracy. It has everything to do with scrapping the Constitution in favor of a new one that keeps the white folk in charge, and the “right” church pews filled.

In Pennsylvania, a right-winger blocked the floor speech of a fellow legislator, using a technical procedural objection, simply because he believed that his colleague was going to “speak against God’s law.”

Did you get that?

A elected legislator stopped another duly elected legislator from speaking on the floor of their state house, because he was going to, (he thought) speak against God’s law (as he interpreted it of course.)

How insane is that?

teabagger5I assumed that following the whippin’ the GOP took in 2012, they would purge themselves of the virus.

I was wrong.

You see some attempt to do so in the Senate, but Cruz ignores the Old Guard.

Boehner is too in love with being called Mr. Speaker to stop them. He’s allowed them to control the House, and will reap the rewards of that decision in the future one hopes.

But an effective party?

The GOP is fading into oblivion and is being transformed into a party of crazy white people who have an unhealthy and wrong understanding of Christianity. They are pretty much convinced that all would be well if only “we” weren’t here, or in charge, or having any say in the way things are done.

So, yeah, it’s a funeral. And frankly, I’m going to miss the GOP. The New GOP? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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Raunchy Reactions of Republican Rectitude

no-amnestyYou must have a strong constitution and a note from your psychiatrist that you have a iron-clad brain case before you can read further here.

We are entering the wacky world of the GOP, where the general laws of the universe don’t apply. The tail wags the dog here, and nobody means anything close to what they say.

We are about to reach the high point of hilarity on this immigration bill that is working its way through the erected fences and high deserts of the Senate, all to land finally and with a resounding guacamole splat in the laps of the House of Representatives.

Everyone is getting ready to put on their best two-faced persona.

Let us set the scene.

The Senate led by the gawd-awful gauchos times eight, is about to vote on the bill. Just a few days ago it was in dire trouble because as Senate Republicans lamented, it didn’t do enough to “protect our border.” Note I said BORDER, NOT BORDERS, since nary a Senator has mentioned the northern one. (HINT TO TERRORISTS). This fun phrase has been used ad infinitum to justify a refusal to do anything on immigration reform, something that EVERYONE agrees needs to be fixed, but opinions  as to how, are as plentiful as crabgrass.

The GOP made it clear that there would be no movement on what to do with the 11 million already here, until the “border” issue was resolved. In pops Senator Cornyn, with his amendment which was defeated last week. That amendment would have required a “certified” statement of something like 95% security at the border before any step could be taken regarding the 11 million. It was widely considered a “poison pill” given that such a figure is unlikely to ever be met unless border patrol agents stand shoulder to shoulder along the 1,954 miles we share with Mexico.

Along comes the Hoevan-Corker amendment, provided by Senators from North Dakota and Tennessee, who obviously know more about the southern border than anyone else. These fine GOPers have a solution. Their plan is to double the number of border patrol agents, and build some 700 miles of new fence, and turn all the policy decisions on compliance over to the Congress and away from Homeland Security, where as we all know, must faster and efficient decisions are sure to be made.

And the price tag? Oh, somewhere along the lines of 38 BILLION. And no Republican OFFSET cuts in spending either.

Now this would all be fine, since apparently the amendment doesn’t tie some “proof” of success to the start of the “pathway to citizenship”, and all the new security measures could get bogged down in the usual unhappiness of bickering in the Congress that seems its reason d’ etre at this point, but hey, we have been down this road before.

Back in 2006, Bush pushed through a jump of 6000 more border agents and over 600 miles of new fence. That was thought to “solve the problem”.  And guess what? It was done. But of course, our GOP is never one to remember the past when it conflicts with the agenda of today. So, the gold posts are moved, and we have new goals of something like 20,000 new agents and another 700 miles of fence.

Which is really all to hide the fact that it ain’t and never was about this border security thing at all.

illegalIf you are confounded by all this, well, it has to do with being an omnivore.

Yes, you heard me right. According to Jonathan Haidt, my BFF, (he has no idea), when we evolved to being such, we had all kinds of choices. The downside was that not all of those shiny brightly colored things were good. Some were poisonous. So we are conflicted.

Some of us more conflicted than others.

Liberals tend to embrace new stuff which Conservatives tend to stay with the tried and true. Well that works for food, but it also seeps over into all kinds of other stuff.

Like how we feel about a “new” demographic.

See Liberals are fine with the changing demographics of the USA. But Conservatives? Not so much. It’s a matter of degree, but they like things they way they are were, least how they envision how things were. And their idea is that white people = right government is, well gooder than brown/black people = right government.

In other words, to a lesser or greater degree ( we all vary somewhat on the new/traditional scale), they’d rather stay in charge.

And that in a nut shell is what this bill faces when it crosses the border into the territory of the Tea Party brigades in the House. Border security may be used as the flag round which to rally but when that problem is essentially eradicated by the Senate version, well, we gotta face the music.

The House while under GOP leadership was very successful in gerrymandering itself so that a huge number of its seats are now owned by solid Republican majorities. However, that doesn’t mean that any individual GOPer is safe. Iffin’ he or she ain’t drunk enough tea, well, they will be primaried by someone who has.

And the one voice of the Tea Party goes something like this: SHIP THEM BACK. ALL OF THEM, WITH THEIR ANCHOR BABIES WHO AREN’T REAL CITIZENS. As Phyllis Schlafly points out, these Hispanics are different. Unlike the second generation of all the other ethnic groups, these South of the border types don’t embrace American values in the next generation but are prone to drugs, violence and gangs. (Why do we have that St. Paddy’s day parade?)

Soooo, the upshot of all that is that enough House Republicans ain’t voting for any immigration bill no matter what it says, unless it says the above. And Boehner has been warned that should he bring a bill to the floor that does not have majority support of the GOP caucus, he can bend over and attempt to kiss his own ass, since it will be flying out of the speaker’s chair faster than dust lands on my deck from the desert.

So Boehner is F**KED and so are all the Republican Senators who KNOW that they can’t win a dang national election and probably not a state one with that kind of “we aren’t partial to brown” attitude.

And that means we continue our shitty, unfair, unequal, immoral immigration rules for God knows how much longer.

But, at least we have the satisfaction of watching the Tea Party throw a major hissy fit in front of the whole world to see. I mean they are more fun that a barrel of KKK taking a wrong turn and ending up at the South end of Woodward Avenue at noon during the Freedom Festival in Detroit.

Can I get a witness?

And the Nominee for STUPID is. . . .The GOP

bobbyjOh my head hurts. I mean seriously people, the list of nominees for MOST STUPID is the most widely contested race of all.

Shall we poll the Internet denizens?

Here are some of the nominees. Feel free to add any you can think of. The winner will receive a dead fish wrapped in the NYTimes, delivered by a pony express rider wearing a Dior gown of sparkling crystals.

1. Proving that he can’t read, Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin says he will sign a new bill requiring an ultrasound of any pregnant woman seeking an abortion. Having learned nothing from what happened in Virginia when Governor McDonnell also planned to sign the same sort of thing, Walker announces that “I don’t have any problem with ultrasound”. No I guess HE doesn’t. But perhaps if it were required that all men who decide to treat women like children and tell them what to do with their own bodies, should undergo a lobotomy, he might, just might, change his tune. But then again, maybe not.

2. Arizona House Representative, Trent Franks resurrected the old “rape victims block the pregnancy” argument of Todd Akin, stating the “incidence of pregnancy following rape is very low.”  This was in support of a bill introduced by Franks making abortion illegal after 20 weeks. Democrats had introduced an amendment making an exception for rape and incest. It appears that Republican man are raised to believe that they are doctors by osmosis. It’s a male thing.

sarah-palin-stupid-republican-quotes-dumb-republicans-best-republican-quotes 3. So utterly against any immigration bill are some Republicans that they don’t even want to debate the issue. The reasons are obvious. The final bill may well pass the Senate, and then it’s on the House where Boehner will wring his hands and insist that he’s only there to help the House speak it’s will. The likes of Steve King and Louis Gohmert and Steve Stockton, will provide the show there. For now this group joins in a team effort to win the golden smelly carp award: Sens. John Barrasso (Wyo.), John Boozman (Ark.), Mike Crapo (Idaho), Ted Cruz (Tex.), Mike Enzi (Wyo.), Charles E. Grassley (Iowa), James Inhofe (Okla.), Mark Kirk (Ill.), Mike Lee (Utah), James Risch (Idaho), Pat Roberts (Kan.), Tim Scott (S.C.), Jeff Sessions (Ala.), Richard Shelby (Ala.) and David Vitter (La.). A finer band of brothers in stupid cannot be found.

4. Virginia Lieutenant Governor nominee, E. W. Jackson wrote a book, and published it. It is called The Ten Commandments to an Extraordinary Life. Trouble is, he misspelled Commandments to Comandments in the title. Then he said that yoga would lead to satanic possession.

5. Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) is somebody you probably never heard of. I suspect you can continue to not hear of him. He took to the floor last week in the House and ranted on about how the President was “a vengeful liar who lacks the moral compass” to lead the nation. He likened himself to Patrick Henry. He thinks he did a good job. Trouble is, I guess he forgets that the polls suggests he may be the one without a moral compass. It’s improper to cast such vitriol on the House floor. But alas it’s nothing new for the crazy crew. And by the by, all his reasoning was based on factual untruths. ALL of them. So I guess he’s intellectually impaired on top of being a flagrant abuser of the mouth.

6. Darrell Issa claimed through selected editing of testimony, that the order to select “conservative” applications for tax-exempt status came “from Washington”. He promised that the full transcripts would be released shortly. Of course the full transcripts said just about the opposite. The person who has owned up to the screening methodology, describes himself as a Conservative Republican and says he doesn’t believe there was any political motivation in the process, but merely a method to extract those applications that would undoubtedly necessitate deeper analysis. Issa now claims that release of the full transcripts would be “dangerous and irresponsible.” He now claims it is Cummings who is the problem.

Santorum_dunce17. Now I admit, this is not a Republican. But well, we have loved Carl Levin for many years. But we are pretty darn happy he’s decided to retire. He voted to keep the decision-making on rape charges in the hands of command. It was wrong. He sided with the military men. It was wrong. This kind of thing makes no sense on any level. It doesn’t promote cohesion in the ranks. It promotes distrust. Shame on him. And on Clare McCaskill who also voted this way.

So that’s my line up for today.

As I said, please add your favorites.

It’s hard to miss a week without Gohmert being on the list I know.

But he’ll be back in the top ten. He won’t let us down.

don-young-wetback-comments-immigrationSo.

Vote.

Vote often.

oops

 

 

The Stupid Chronicles for April 20, 2013

Gohmert_Louis-Dummy-2Oh don’t mind me, I’m just acting like a Hispanic. Yes dear Louis the Lunatic tops our list today. But it was a close call I tell ya. Louis never fails to deliver the one two punch of stupid all wrapped up in crazy nearly every week. We sometimes wonder if Louis has a bank of writers who dream up his lines, but on reflection that would surely tip the balance and throw civilization into a retrograde orbit.

Louis dear Louis has a gem for us today. Let me put it thusly. Louis viewed Rodin’s the Thinker, and opined, “why is that dude taking a shit in public?”

Louis doesn’t have a pet rock, he’s the pet rock’s pet.

Louis knows his terrorists and he is here to tell you what he has learned. Islamic terrorist organizations are busy helping their Arab folks “act Hispanic” so they can cross the border from Mexico into America. (added joy: there is a video!)

Yes you heard it here.

Although Louis had no opinion of who caused the Boston Marathon bombings at the time he said this, he was pretty darn sure that a fence is the way to go. After all, Israel’s suicide bombings stopped when they built their fence, he offered, unaware that that is not at all true. A good guess is always good enough for Louis.

Compatriot idiot Steve King (R-IA) nodded in agreement and said that the immigration reform bill should be held up, because surely this bombing was caused (he thinks) by some student on a visa.

Louis offered no ideas about how one “acts” Hispanic. Several racist theories comes to mind, but Louis stopped short of asking people to be on the watch for the “typical” Hispanic behaviors. He did whisper that a dead giveaway that you were dealing with a “pretend” Hispanic was to offer him a jalapeño pepper and see if he cries out in anguish and calls for water after taking a bite.

Texas takes our number two spot as well, which isn’t a big surprise–it’s a big state with big idiots in it.

esther-irene-stokes-400x300This is Ms. Ester Irene Stokes. She’s a school teacher in Texas. Or was, or confound it, she probably got herself a medal now.

Anyway, she was accused of fondling one of her female students. Now Ms. Stokes is 61 and the child in question was seven. So that is very bad stuff.

So Ms. Stokes tells police and anyone else who will listen that she is not guilty.

You probably assumed that didn’t ya?

Yes, well she has a rather unique defense.

She says that she is such a racist that she can barely stand to touch those little black girls in her class. The mere touch of their hands gives her the heebie jeebies and sends her off to wash off that black skin feel. I mean she actually cringes when the little nappy heads try to hug here, which must happen once every ice age at least.

There have been no responses by the school in question as to whether Ms. Stokes was still employed. What ya wanna make a bet she won’t have any trouble finding another job in some parts of the country at least.

No doubt that face will be forever seared in your brain.

Third on our hit parade for the week is Maine’s governor Paul LaPage.

getting-to-know-paul-lapageNow Paulie has come to our attention before as you can note from some of his best work at the right.

But he kinda ran out of material for a little while. After the last couple of days though, I think he’s back in fighting form.

The Bangor News seems to have a particularly low opinion in the Guv, suggesting that he “makes things up” a lot.

Well, Paul is at it again. Paul doesn’t like wind power. He thinks it’s somehow un-American, being all cheap and non-polluting and such. Oil and Gas don’t like air power and that’s enough for big Paul.

So Paul said, “Now, to add insult to injury, The University of Maine, Presque Isle – anybody here been up there to see that damn windmill in the back yard? Guess what, if it’s not blowing wind outside and they have somebody visiting the campus, they have a little electric motor that turns the blades. I’m serious. They have an electric motor so that they can show people wind power works. Unbelievable. And that’s the government that you have here in the state of Maine.”

Of course, no such thing is true. The University says there is no “little motor”.

All this would be funny, and it is, but the answer to Paulie’s nonsense is that he’s touched in the head. Read crazy as a loon. Read, coming up on Louis’s shoulder and threatening to pass.

Paulie intends to run for re-election. He predicts that the teacher’s unions better watch out, cuz he’s coming for them. And his new idol? Well that ever-favorite of Wisconsin, Scott Walker.

“I will guarantee you that you will see the most vicious education campaign ads that you’ve ever seen in your life next year, because I am going to be the next Scott Walker in this country, because I am challenging the status quo.”

No, Paulie is challenging the all-time low IQ in the USA. I am putting my bets he will win.

Fourth is a new face for us, GOP House Representative from Iowa, Dennis Guth.

guth-e1366222435292Guth is one of those self-styled experts on the issue of homosexuality.

Guth first focused on the media and accused them of making that homosexual lifestyle seem good and nice, when we all know it’s really yucky.

See, Guth says, homosexuals are like “second-hand” smoke, they cause harm to those around them who are normal. They cause health risks to his family he says, by their increased invitation to transmittable sexual diseases. He opines that there are “more medical tests required” before you can give blood or birth. He thinks they are connected but forgot to say how.

Other than that, Guth was unable to explain why their diseases would “harm” his family, unless of course one posits that either he or members of his family regularly engage the services of willing homosexuals for ummm, sex.

Guth is an idiot, and his Democratic colleague told him so.

Our fifth and last entry for the week comes from good old Arkansas, a state that often shows us the butt end of humanity.

NateNate Bell, is (you guessed it) a REPUBLICAN state rep from good old Ar-KANSAS, who is a protector of the 2nd Amendment, which he neither understands, nor defends with anything other than yippie-ki-yo-ki-yay blather.

Well, inside that fun face is a very human and very empathetic individual. So as soon as he heard about the manhunt going on in Boston and its environs, wondered via Twitter:

I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had an AR-15 with a high-capacity magazine?

I mean how sympathetic can a guy be?

I mean really?

Nate withdrew the Tweet once it was pointed out to him that he was being a total douche. Of course it was up long enough for a long list of people to tell him that.

Good luck Nate on re-election.

And if you have not run into these videos (YouTube has several by the same guy), then sit back and for a couple of minutes, just chortle your little heart out. Dry up your tears at the above and replace with belly laughs.