Items to Make You Queen of the Watercooler Next Week

large_overworkedSee that’s me. I mean, imagine a woman instead of a man, and that’s me. I’m spend hours reading just so that you don’t have to. I mean you can if you want to of course. God forbid that fine education goes to waste, but I have burned up the Intertubes in an effort to find all the news that you missed.

And I read it all. And some of it was crap upon further inspection, and so I ditched it. And the rest, well you gotta know this stuff. Especially if you want all your friends and aunt Tilde to think you are just a real smart ass. (meant in the kindest way of course)

So, let’s get to it, in no particular order.

Paul Krugman has a fine op-ed in the NYTimes detailing the crazy party, AKA, the GOP. What he says is very true. The GOP argument for deliberately toying with the very health of our economy goes something like this: I have put a gun to your head and demanded your money or your life. If you refuse to give me your money, it’s your fault that you’re dead. I gave you the option to live after all!

On the other hand, this may all go to prove that one can actually get admitted to Harvard and get through it with flying colors and still be utterly and profoundly stupid. Ted Cruz may be set to be one of the most spectacular blazing super nova that sputtered out in record time in the history of horses asses, err, super novae.

If it is true that humans have an individualized predisposition to violence, is it equally true that humans in community have a predisposition to violence in the form of war? It seems many assume this to be true. But evolutionary biologist, David P. Barash argues that this may in fact not be true. The latter may be only a capacity rather than an adaptation. Want to learn more? If you don’t think it matters, think again. We base our defense systems on assumptions of what other groups are likely to do. If we assume all people are driven to war to achieve ends, we build a different defense system than if we do not. And we’ve sure got the tax bills to reflect that.

I know that most of you are just thrilled every time you get a chance to read about quantum mechanics, I mean what self-respecting grease monkey or grocery check out lady  isn’t obsessed with the working of the universe at the extra-tiny scale? Ever heard of an aplituhedron? I bet not. It all means that all the complicated mathematical twists and turns are eliminated as well as the super computer to do the computations. Now little Bobby can explain the most complicated sub-particle interaction with nothing more than a pencil and paper again!

If you are going, uhh, okay so what? Well, you all know that physicists have been since the beginning of time, trying to join the big universe with the small universe (macro and micro forces?) and it has just never fit well, and well, the don’t call it the elegant universe for nothing. Everybody who knows this stuff figured the answer would eventually be simple. This might be it. I’m not a physicist as you might have guessed by now.

I mean this is simply delicious early fall reading. Get to it.  :)

Now I know you will love this one. There is a new book out there that you probably will want to get. I can imagine about half a dozen of you will be on Amazon in moments. It’s called Holy Shit: A Brief History of Swearing, by Melissa Mohr. Colin Burrows review of the book is worth the reading. Now read it your grouthead gnat snapper!

Steven Pinker from Harvard has written a book that details how we are becoming less violent as societies over time. He also argues that the world would be better led by science than by the humanities. Some beg to differ. A great essay from The Berlin Review of Books, and Gloria Origgi, A Reply to Steven Picker’s Scientific Manifesto.

overworked4111Love words? Lots of words? Okay.

The American Scholar has a fun essay called Is There a Word for That? Words are being made up all the time, but you knew that. Want to know who created some words we now take for granted? Who is responsible for katydid? Or neologize ? Or Anglophobia? Blurb? Gerrymander? Bromide? Oh I bet I got your attention now.

Similarly, if you have ever remembered the quote but not the quoter, and the more you looked the harder it got? Who Really Sad That? You would be surprised at how often we get the attribution wrong. Amaze your friends by correcting their quotes!

“Whoever is not a socialist when he is 20 has no heart; whoever is not a conservative when he is 30 has no brain.” Usually attributed to Churchill. Actually? Nobody knows.

Enter the fine world of WAS–Wrongly Attributed Statements.

I betcha thought that the human mind created the gear, that round thingie that has “teeth” and meshes with other objects similarly constructed? That together makes things turn and other things go up and down and maybe side to side? You would be wrong. Scientists have found a gear in nature for the very first time. And YOU are some of the first non-specialists to know that, so don’t you feel so very proud?

A cute little guy called a planthopper (he has a very important scientific name you need not memorize) has a couple of gears in his back legs that mesh together and then when he calls on them to, spin backward sending him off on a leap across the earth that looks pretty fun. I’m sure it made sense to him too in terms of escaping predators or getting up as high as he wanted to feed. It’s called evolution folks. There is a little embedded video so you can watch him go!

Must a life be meaningful in order to be happy? Do we prefer meaningfulness over happiness if we can’t have both? They are not the same by the way. Happiness in part is getting what you want or need in life. Meaningfulness can have zero to do with this. Similarly happy people report that health is essential, yet health has nothing to do with meaningful lives. Happiness is apparent in the now, while meaningfulness tends to be a future assessment. This is a long article but one that raises lots of questions to think about. Well worth your time.

Nautilus brings us the ever-beloved essay on dinosaurs. The discovery and explanation of our bird predecessors have had a varied history as scientists working from small numbers of bones, continually revised their thinking of these creatures over time. As is usual, it is the unsung tiny dinosaurs that have done the most to correct our understanding over time of what these cuties looked like and how they lived. For the kid in all of us, this article will satisfy. I still wish there had been Brontosaurus, they were so neat!

With the advent of all the cute devices we have now from phones to tablets to readers to computers, all with calendars and reminders of one sort or another, there is less and less reason to have to memorize things. Nobody has to write down a phone number or address. The call is registered, switch it to contacts and it’s saved forever. Enter an address in your Google maps app, and you don’t need to record that address again. And maybe, just maybe that’s a good thing. Memorization may be a much over-rated thing. Curious? Read on.

How many late night gab fests have lingered long into the night over the ever-present question– Why was Spinoza excommunicated anyway? I mean this guy was ostracized with a big O, like in members of the congregation being order to be no closer that four cubits to the man. That’s some serious excommunication! Worse, payment of a fine served to dissolve most bans. Spinoza’s was life long. Spinoza himself never spoke of the harem, most of his works and fame came long after it. What is as interesting as why is by whom: Jews who had escaped forced Catholicism in Spain and Portugal and once free in Amsterdam, practiced a form of Judaism that was anything but normative. All in all, quite fascinating.

Happy reading everyone, and to all a good day!

books

Did You Know That. . . .?

Thinker_thumbA lot of disparate thoughts travel through this brain case I can safely inform you. You know me well enough to recognize the dangers of entering into my sandbox of synaptic pleasures. I’m either hopelessly unfocused or a cobbled together unrecognized genius. Some days it’s more one, other days, well.

I’ve come to see it as a blessing of sorts. At least I try to see it that way. I should have been a college professor, but of course that but begs the question–on what subject?

Any the hoo, I have a lot of thoughts about Syria but not a lot of coalesced conclusions, so I’ll beg off at the moment. Is it too trite and cowardly to just say, I’m conflicted?

I had a bizarre discussion with fellow high-school mates about the issue of spanking as discipline which proved to me once again how easy it is to stay with ideas that are both comfortable and supported by simplistic memes that denote little if any critical thinking. More and more I conclude that indeed advances in the human condition are the result of a very few minds indeed, and put into place by mostly brain-dead human hordes who are spoon fed some “reason” for implementing them.

If all that sounds rather cloudy and vague, well, it’s a cloudy and vague day here in Las Cruces. It’s been raining off and on for several days, which is highly unusual, at least for us recent arrivals–we saw so little rain last year that it made one appreciate water as a life-giving commodity surely. This year, we were told, as of Monday at least we had not yet received four inches of the wet stuff, and we might get at least that during this week. Since the desert is nothing but sand covering a rock hard-pan, the danger in these parts is floods in low-lying areas. Water races to its lowest place and rushes along, making gullies and rivulets through the desert. These become ditches or arroyos as we call them here, and eventually the Grand Canyon if you can stick around that long.

So anyway, here are some things I’ve read this week that you might find interesting.

horse_1456083iVlad, who appears to be in the driver’s seat at the moment internationally that is, has some things to say and said them in the NYTimes.

It’s an interesting “open letter to the American people“. Part propaganda, part history lesson, part chutzpah, it is worth a couple of minutes to read.

Having a power mad ex-president of the Communist party and ex-KGB officer, Putin deigns to give America a lesson in democracy. One can but admire the rich irony of that alone!

What he has to say about the subject of exceptionalism is worth reading. There is truth in those words.

As I said, my thoughts on the subject of Syria are unclear. That Putin wants to be a “player” is clear. What it will cost is not so clear.

A man so determined to show off his “masculinity” bespeaks something surely. What that is, I am not at all sure of.

 

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geniusI did mention the possibility that I am a hidden genius didn’t I?

That is almost surely a good reason for concluding that I am not.

Like “hero” we bandy about the word genius rather loosely these days.

If you would like to read an interesting take on what genius is and is not, then read I Dream of Genius over at Commentary. I found it a good read.

At least you can see if those you think of as geniuses are what the author does.

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If you would like to look at the mind in a different way, a more evolutionary way perhaps then you might want to pick up a new book out there by E. O Wilson, emeritus professor of biology at Harvard.

If you are unsure of whether you want to invest in The Social Conquest of Earth, then you can read through a review of the book from The Spectator.

HINT: once more we are compared to insects. All it all, it looks worthy of some good reading and some very good thinking ahead if you opt in. The review is not favorable on Wilson’s book. See if you agree. In either case, it seems a worthwhile read.

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Cosmic archaeology, need I say more?

Some say that aliens have looked and found us. But there is a thriving scientific community that spends its time looking for them. This is way more than looking for Goldilocks planets my friends, much more.

This is the type of scientific speculation that leads young boys and girls to dream of going into space, and leads them to enrolling in our best science and technology universities.

Come and dream for a few minutes. What can it hurt?

Go and read Distant Ruins.

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What happens when we both hear and see something? Do these two senses work together to enhance our fact gathering?

Is there a hierarchy of the senses? Do some matter more? Does one?

Oh I’m sure in the late recesses of a bleak and cold winter’s night, you too have asked this question.

So go and get the answer: Who did you hear, Me, or your lying eyes?

HINT: You might just have been McGurked!

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Another thing I imagine you’ve given a lot of thought to is why we are so fascinated by the lives of the writers we read and admire. I mean how much has been written about the life of Hemingway for instance? Are we not enthralled with the secret world of Proust, or Dickinson? How about Emerson or Fitzgerald? Balzac? Oh come now, you know you are curious.

A biography writer, shares some thoughts on what we can and cannot learn about those whose words cause us to depart this reality and enter another, one that sometimes we would rather inhabit.

Good reading here.

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Finally, if you have ever had the occasion to be “linked” to a “scientist” or other “expert” on something like global warming or evolution, or biblical literalness, American exceptionalism, the Judeo-Christian roots of American government, or similar things, you know what you are up against.

If you had the resources and or time to do the research,  you would almost surely find that most of these experts are anything but. Some our out-and-out failures who can be bought for a price, others are traveling into areas for which they have no formal expertise at all, and others are simply grifters, ready always to make a buck upholding any cockamamie “theory” that comes down the pike.

There is a great little site called Encyclopedia of American Loons. You can look up the biography of a startlingly large group of imposters and get the real low down on what they know and don’t know. An invaluable site. Since they seem to be novice bloggers I asked to them add the widget for a search engine and they have. Now you can enter a name and find out if they have bio’ed him or her. Or if you just want some fun reading, just go read a few.

So, now that I have solved all your reading needs for the weekend, I’ll leave you to it, with promises of more to come.

 

And the Nominee for STUPID is. . . .The GOP

bobbyjOh my head hurts. I mean seriously people, the list of nominees for MOST STUPID is the most widely contested race of all.

Shall we poll the Internet denizens?

Here are some of the nominees. Feel free to add any you can think of. The winner will receive a dead fish wrapped in the NYTimes, delivered by a pony express rider wearing a Dior gown of sparkling crystals.

1. Proving that he can’t read, Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin says he will sign a new bill requiring an ultrasound of any pregnant woman seeking an abortion. Having learned nothing from what happened in Virginia when Governor McDonnell also planned to sign the same sort of thing, Walker announces that “I don’t have any problem with ultrasound”. No I guess HE doesn’t. But perhaps if it were required that all men who decide to treat women like children and tell them what to do with their own bodies, should undergo a lobotomy, he might, just might, change his tune. But then again, maybe not.

2. Arizona House Representative, Trent Franks resurrected the old “rape victims block the pregnancy” argument of Todd Akin, stating the “incidence of pregnancy following rape is very low.”  This was in support of a bill introduced by Franks making abortion illegal after 20 weeks. Democrats had introduced an amendment making an exception for rape and incest. It appears that Republican man are raised to believe that they are doctors by osmosis. It’s a male thing.

sarah-palin-stupid-republican-quotes-dumb-republicans-best-republican-quotes 3. So utterly against any immigration bill are some Republicans that they don’t even want to debate the issue. The reasons are obvious. The final bill may well pass the Senate, and then it’s on the House where Boehner will wring his hands and insist that he’s only there to help the House speak it’s will. The likes of Steve King and Louis Gohmert and Steve Stockton, will provide the show there. For now this group joins in a team effort to win the golden smelly carp award: Sens. John Barrasso (Wyo.), John Boozman (Ark.), Mike Crapo (Idaho), Ted Cruz (Tex.), Mike Enzi (Wyo.), Charles E. Grassley (Iowa), James Inhofe (Okla.), Mark Kirk (Ill.), Mike Lee (Utah), James Risch (Idaho), Pat Roberts (Kan.), Tim Scott (S.C.), Jeff Sessions (Ala.), Richard Shelby (Ala.) and David Vitter (La.). A finer band of brothers in stupid cannot be found.

4. Virginia Lieutenant Governor nominee, E. W. Jackson wrote a book, and published it. It is called The Ten Commandments to an Extraordinary Life. Trouble is, he misspelled Commandments to Comandments in the title. Then he said that yoga would lead to satanic possession.

5. Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) is somebody you probably never heard of. I suspect you can continue to not hear of him. He took to the floor last week in the House and ranted on about how the President was “a vengeful liar who lacks the moral compass” to lead the nation. He likened himself to Patrick Henry. He thinks he did a good job. Trouble is, I guess he forgets that the polls suggests he may be the one without a moral compass. It’s improper to cast such vitriol on the House floor. But alas it’s nothing new for the crazy crew. And by the by, all his reasoning was based on factual untruths. ALL of them. So I guess he’s intellectually impaired on top of being a flagrant abuser of the mouth.

6. Darrell Issa claimed through selected editing of testimony, that the order to select “conservative” applications for tax-exempt status came “from Washington”. He promised that the full transcripts would be released shortly. Of course the full transcripts said just about the opposite. The person who has owned up to the screening methodology, describes himself as a Conservative Republican and says he doesn’t believe there was any political motivation in the process, but merely a method to extract those applications that would undoubtedly necessitate deeper analysis. Issa now claims that release of the full transcripts would be “dangerous and irresponsible.” He now claims it is Cummings who is the problem.

Santorum_dunce17. Now I admit, this is not a Republican. But well, we have loved Carl Levin for many years. But we are pretty darn happy he’s decided to retire. He voted to keep the decision-making on rape charges in the hands of command. It was wrong. He sided with the military men. It was wrong. This kind of thing makes no sense on any level. It doesn’t promote cohesion in the ranks. It promotes distrust. Shame on him. And on Clare McCaskill who also voted this way.

So that’s my line up for today.

As I said, please add your favorites.

It’s hard to miss a week without Gohmert being on the list I know.

But he’ll be back in the top ten. He won’t let us down.

don-young-wetback-comments-immigrationSo.

Vote.

Vote often.

oops

 

 

Oh I Love Me Some Good Advice

hardball_robertson_1107071You know, I was sitting around the other day, wondering, “what is wrong with me?”, a game I engage in all the time, since I am so very aware that most everything that is wrong with the world is because of me.

Lil ol’ me. WOMAN. Ever since that snake thing in the garden, I have been the scourge of humanity, always leading men astray. And everything that is wrong with a man–well just hunt up the thread on clothes and you can unwind that baby and I guarantee it will lead DIRECTLY to the cause of his wrongness–A WOMAN.

So, naturally, as I was spending my daily “how am I to blame” time, I went DIRECTLY to the man who can tell me exactly wherein I fail.

That man would be the perfect Christian pastor, one PAT ROBERTSON. I mean, he is legendary in his ability to nail a cause down to its basics. Hurricanes, terrorism? Oh they are usually caused by HOMOSEXUALS, but of course, when you follow the thread, you will find that the core cause is the MOTHER of a homosexual.

So, anyway, I am always sure to check in with him, and to look for his Ann Landerish advice nuggets. So, if your husband is spending a lot of time playing video games on the computer?

Now you know! So get that lipstick on, and those pearls adjusted, and those sling-backs polished girls. Your man awaits the girl he dreamed of. And you know better than to say a word about his torn Packer’s t-shirt, his funkie toe-jammy feet, and his belching bad breath. That’s a MAN! Which is always better than a sharp stick in the eye.

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Just a tiny thought. Like 80+% of all folks in the US approve of universal background checks for anyone wanting to buy a guy. So why exactly does the NRA oppose it and subsequently strangle off any agreement by the GOP? Me thinks it may have to do with terrorist watch lists. I’m thinking that being a member of a group designated as a terrorist group might, just might be a black mark against you on an application. And of course there are a few right-wing crazy groups out there that might well earn that designation. The Survivalist/WhitePower/Militia/Obamaisadictator groups? And does this strike a tad too close to home to the NRA, who depend upon these groups to buy all those crazy weapons.

So, background checks could nip at the heels of their membership and affect their corporate masters, the gun makers and sellers.

Am I off base here? Or have I struck on something?

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While I was seeking advice about what the Frook is wrong with me, I realized that I should get a little more advice about my lady parts. One can never have too much of that I can tell you, and as we all know, the GOP incoming freshmen Phil Gingrey from GA, proports to be a OB-GYN so he feels it best to advise that old Todd Akin was “partially right” in his “legitimate rape” claims. Gingrey tells me that a traumatic event can cause a woman not to ovulate and it’s right and good to distinguish between a “legitimate rape” and those other kinds–you know, the liars.

No word from Phil how best a woman can protect herself by no going forth into the world only when she is on the verge of ovulating, just in case she is “legitimately raped”.

Somebody get me a hammer.

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Something I ran across on Facebook the other day that just tickled me. The post was one of those “mock horror” posts about some teacher in South Carolina who had, to make a point, taken down an American flag and stepped on it, remarking that it was only a symbol, no different from a cross or other similar things. It represented an idea which we might well believe it, but the thing itself was just a thing. The teacher was suspended pending an investigation.

Now, of course, flag mistreatment is by and large constitutionally protected as speech. Burning, attaching other items to it, and presumably stepping on it to make a political point are universally upheld unless the state can prove a legitimate governmental objective, unrelated to the 1st Amendment, and the law is reasonably designed to effect that objective. In other words, don’t bother.

Still among the Christianist poster and her tiny band of followers the following was stated in response to the horror of such an unpatriotic” act.

One commenter suggested the teacher should be deported. First Amendment rights are  of no merit to this “freedom lover”, who of course had no clue where a citizen would be deported to. I doubt he doesn’t know that you can’t deport a citizen.

Another commenter suggested the event was tragic, but this post would get little traction because this page is “full of lefties”.

Something like 63% of the American public is against making it a crime to burn the flag. I rather think that the only places who would want such a law would be repressive regimes who are trying to stomp down public criticism. Oh, I guess that would be the opposite of what the “protecting our freedoms” folks would espouse, but. . . .stupid people generally can’t follow a logical train of thought.

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Make it a safe day out there!

 

Time To Take Your Medicine Willard

“Mitt, oh Mitt, time to wake up darling.”

“Mitt? Mitt really, you must get up!”

“Lemme alone will ya? I’m sleeping. I don’t wanna go.”

“Willard Mitt Romney you get out of that bed immediately. It’s past eleven and you have to get dressed still!”

“Call and tell him I’m sick. I don’t feel good. I think I have a fever. My head hurts, and my stomach is queasy. Really I don’t want to infect the President of the United States. They wouldn’t want me to do that!”

“Stop it. There is nothing wrong with you and you know it. This is traditional, every candidate has done this. Just put on a bright face and shake hands like a man and congratulate him for winning. Eat a little of the soup and comment him on how nice the Christmas decorations look. Just be a man!”

“Please, can’t you come with me? I just can’t stand the idea of having to sit there and make small talk. He’s not a job creator like me. He can’t understand real Americans like us. He’ll say something nasty, I just know it, all wrapped up in a smile and a pat on the back, but he will get his digs in. I’m not some John McCain. I was a titan of capitalism, a major success. How could this have happened?”

“Will you stop whining? Get up and get dressed. Tagg is going to drive you.”

“Can we go to Disneyland again? I really liked it.”

“Yes Mitt, take another bunch of the grandkids if you want. They like to ride the car elevator at house. Just please get up!”

“Okay Annie, for you. And for the love of God, don’t send that maggot Christie a card this Christmas. I hate New Jersey!”

Ø Ø

Okay, so a woman at the pool recommended this book, so I ordered it and read it, and it’s called The China Study. And I believe it, really I do. It basically says that the science is pretty darn clear that eating only plants and fruits is great for you, and eating any meat of any kind and any dairy is just awful. And there is no way in God’s green earth that I can give up all meat forever and all dairy. Even if I could live another ten years beyond however long I’m gonna live, I don’t think I could do that.

I mean, if it were best for us to eat only plants and fruits, why are we able to digest meat and dairy at all? I mean really? I know some folks are intolerant of some dairy. I don’t do so well on milk, so I get the lactose free stuff. But no other dairy products really bugs me and I think the milk thing is more about what I thought was wrong with me, but which turned out to be something to do with our well water in Iowa. Which sounds crazy I know, but all my symptoms disappeared within two days of leaving Iowa.

So, I’m conflicted, since I’m aging and well you start to think about the BALANCE of your life, which is why I walk an hour in the desert every day when everyone I know who knows me, knows I don’t like walking. I find it freakin’ boring. But I do it, like I go to the pool three days a week. Women at the pool come up to me and say, “gee, you are so dedicated. You never mess around. You don’t gab, and just stand around chatting. You work out every minute you’re here. I commend you.” Blah blah. Well, I like swimming to a point, but I do it, cause I don’t want to be unable to walk and bend and so forth and so on in ten years.

And of course there are studies which suggest that we are only who we are because we ate meat.

And I know that sometimes studies are paid for by those who have a stake in the outcome.

And so I’m conflicted.

I figure we ate meat when we could get our hands on it, and we gorged on it. The rest of the time we ate wild grains and vegetables and bird eggs and fish and shellfish if we could get it. And fruit was a luxury which we enjoyed to the fullest when we found it. And honey was much prized. That’s how I figure it.

Dairy came a good deal later when we domesticated cattle. But damn, cheese is great stuff. It is the best of stuff. A great cheese is better than dessert.

It all makes me dizzy.

So I’m trying to eat mostly food that is whole and cooked by me, without additives. But of course meat is full of crap. I know that. What to do?

Explain your eating theories please.

That is your assignment. Due date is tomorrow.

You will be graded.

The Penis Should Be Attached to the Forehead

Seriously.

It’s a design flaw.

I intend to take it up with God the very moment I arrive.

The male pleasure stick needs to be out there visible to all.

It’s the only way we can be sure.

Sure of what?

That should be obvious.

Sure that they are not living up to their name sake when making any decision.

Think how simple it would be to avoid all this costly and embarrassing crap.

You see a guy with an erection, and you automatically remove all sharp objects from his vicinity. You refuse to allow him to make even the most basic of decisions without assistance from at least a thirteen-year-old. You take away his keys, his credit cards, his phone and his computer. You can let him watch old re-runs of the Beverly Hillbillies if you wish, that might even calm him down, although a man in the throes of a stiffy would probably get overly excited by Grannie.

When his dick is hanging down tickling his nose, well you know it’s safe to place him in control of such things as he is otherwise suited to by education and experience.  Such an easy system don’t you think?

WHAT THE HELL WAS DAVID PETRAEUS THINKING??????

I mean this is a 4-star general. Does that mean he is even modestly intelligent?

He has retired from service and taken the job that he says he craved to hold.

He has been married for eons.

He is getting up there in age when men start to appreciate steady, uneventful, calm, normal marriage, without bar-clearing fights and temper tantrums that result in credit card max-outs.

A little fluff of a nobody, with some seriously apparent psychological flaws, bats her eyes, and the General came to attention. And apparently stayed at attention, while his brain went into a coma. We would have known. We could have saved his career, and saved his wife all this unnecessary and awful publicity and public display.

This is not something new.

The Republican party, bastion of “family values” for everyone but themselves, regularly finds one of its members embracing somebody not their wife, sometimes even with pictures to seal the deal. I mean doesn’t it serve all of us to avoid this crap? Do we not have serious things to do in this country without the diversions of personal “oops I donked the wrong woman by mistake”?

Believe me I recognize that men are weak. Women are often able to forgive if not forget their man’s inability to keep it in his pants whenever a biologically identified female comes within one hundred feet, but can’t we at least minimize the damage these snatchers of free-hanging fruit do?

This is akin to a person confronted with heroin and thinking, “nah, I can handle it. I won’t get hooked. I’m smarter than the average duck.” Do all men think they can “get away with it?”

Is there a secret website that men go to wherein they can read stories of how other men “got away with it”? Are they encouraged by some statistics women are unaware of that informs them that 97% of all men who are unfaithful are never caught? Are we women being bamboozled day and night by our supposedly faithful spouses? Does the Contrarian have a squeeze on Aisle 27 at Lowe’s that he stoops a couple of times a month in what must be the definition of a quickie?

I only ask because any MORON with the IQ of over 12 and 1/2 would know that the head of the CIA cannot get it on with some “biographer” who had her own high level clearance, and obviously KNEW a lot of folks in the ARMY, and was on TALK SHOWS and was traveling in HIGH CIRCLES, and sending e-mails to HIM, without it getting out of the bag at SOMETIME, probably sooner rather than later.

I mean how likely was it to remain just their little tryst?

How likely?

About the chances Nate Silver gave Romney to win–9% or so.

I know this is hard to accept gentlemen, but it’s true. If you are at full-mast right now, I’m quite sure you cannot make sense of this, but save it until you are brushing little willie out of your eyes, and read it again. It will make more sense then.

IF YOU DO THE NASTY WITH SOMEONE NOT YOUR WIFE YOU ARE HIGHLY AND MOST LIKELY GOING TO GET CAUGHT.

So, if that doesn’t matter, then by all means have at it, but you probably are in the midst of a divorce in that case anyway. Otherwise–DON’T DO IT.

Got that?

Print this out, fold it up, put it in your wallet, and read it whenever willie starts to stir.

Got that?

Okay.

Freakin’ Friday Follies

“To the moon, Alice, to the Moon!”

I just love Newt.

He gets in front of a bunch of ex-NASA employees, in a very depressed part of the state of FLOOREDA, and he garrrunteees that in his SECOND term of office as POTUS, he will ensure that we have a colony on da moon.

Now, you can call that Newtspah. And you would be right to do so.

But, he’s not our big winner this week.

No, our boy Mittens wins this week.

Why you ask?

Well, because he called out the Newtster on this promise, accusing him. . . .wait for it. . .  OF PANDERING to the audience.

He chided Newty for trying to promise his way to the White House by, in each state, finding some pet project that the residents were interested in, and then promising he would give them “it” if they were so kind as to vote for him.

Yes, he did.

And well, go ahead, yell it: THAT’S KINDA LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK oh Mitten-man, you who are known for your chameleon-like ability to change position based on the change of wind of public opinion. So ya win this week!

Ahab or dear friend turned us on to this great little link that actually proves to be a rather well done study on the convergence of IQ, conservative thinking, and bigotry. Wanna guess what it tends to show? Dumb people tend to not have the capacity to see the “big picture” and so tend to fall for the easy simplistic structured and ordered world that conservatism offers. Those who are least capable of abstract reasoning, are more likely to fall for racism and other bigoted ideas.

Was there ever any doubt?

Kevin Drum kinda proves the above study. Right now our boy Newt is the darling of the TeaNutz®, mostly because they have run through all the other possibilities and he’s what’s left. Well, tea bibbers are folks who believe in doing NOTHING about most things, and shrinking government. And at heart, Newt is a guy with grandiose ideas of being a world-wide mover and shaker. And that requires “DOING BIG THINGS”. But being light in the brain-case, said TeaNutz® have not yet puzzled that paradox out. And probably never will.

I wanna share a little secret with ya. When you retire, even years and years after you retire? You will still smile a bit bigger when it’s Friday. It’s true. I swear it is. And late Sunday afternoon will find you feeling a bit let down. You will sigh as you see the sun go down. It happens. It’s just the way it is. And you can’t know that until it happens to you.

Mittens has an ad in Florida wherein he goes after Newt for claiming that “Spanish is the language of the ghetto.” While not factually completely true, Mittens, when asked, inquired, “Is that one of my ads? I haven’t seen it. I doubt that’s my ad.” Of course the ad ends with the statement “I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this message.” Which means, I guess he doesn’t, or didn’t, or it’s all meaningless. But then, well I guess we knew all that anyway.

Newtie Patootie invoked the name of Saul Alinsky again last night. It is supposed to raise all kinds of dangerous visions of commie boogeymen comin’ around to take away our freedoms. At least Newt is hoping it will. He, in his snooty, lookin’ down my nose at all of you, way of viewing the world, is assuming you have no clue who Alinsky is, and are way too lazy to find out.

What is rich of course, is that Saul Alinsky did most of his community organizing in Chicago, among poor working stiffs. And he did it with the full help and approval of the Roman Catholic Church, who joined him in his efforts to improve the lives of working folks. Oh, and Alinsky’s heroes? They were Jefferson and Madison, you know, the FOUNDING FATHERS, who are nigh on to gods to the Crazy Right.

Alinsky received the Pacem en Terris Peace and Freedom Award from the Vatican in 1969. Past recipients have been  Martin Luther King, Jr., Desmond Tutu, Cesar Chavez, Daniel Berrigan, Jim Wallis, and Lech Walesa.

Oh Newt? That would be YOUR Catholic church no?

 Why we are right:

Caterpillar posted record profits this year. To the tune of 36% after taxes. Revenues increased by 2.65 BILLION.  Yet they have locked out workers at their Ontario plant in Canada, because the workers refused a cut in pay from $32/hr to $16.50/hr. Caterpillar CEO, John Oberhelman, made $10.5 million in 2010.

This is not class warfare. This is about fairness.

Okay, I’ll let you off easy today. It’s Friday, after all. No Football.

What’s on the Stove? Leftovers: Chick-Ling Spaghetti Parmesan or Wild and Wicked Taco Soup (your choice). The latter recipe will be posted today, the former already is.