I’ve learned that at my age, it’s best not to let those things linger too long. They tend to short out the systems, and leave you drooling in a corner.
So, here are the conundrums, oddities, queerly wacky incidents, accidents, and facts that have been accumulating in my otherwise rather well-ordered and shiny brain.
- More and more it’s clear that business leaders are scarcely smarter than the average amoeba. Seriously.
The Contrarian went to Sears to buy a table saw, having found the one he wanted on their online site, and it was on sale to boot. He arrives to find that the brick and mortar establishment does not have it on sale. But wait–he can get it on sale if he orders it online. And they proceed to usher him to a store computer where he does so. Now he is told that it will arrive at the store and be delivered to him free of charge. Can he have it shipped directly? No, that will cost $35. Can he pick it up? NO! He must get it delivered free of charge. On Saturday. We wait with bated breath.
- Do swimmers really believe that shaving their underarms will add speed to their swimming? All the Olympic men shave their underarms. Probably their legs too. I’d like to see the evidence that shaving helps. I am very suspicious of men who shave their underarms.
- Speaking of pit hair, have you seen the Japanese man in gymnastics? He has more pit hair than most people have hair on their heads. Do you think he thinks it helps his balance? All that hair waving at the crowds independent of his swinging.
- We went to the animal shelter since we are now settled enough to adopt a pet or two. Is there a reason that in New Mexico the only dogs people have are Chihuahuas, miniature terriers, pit bulls, and Mastiff/Shepard/Lab mixes? We are looking for medium–a spaniel type. Medium hair, knee-high, ya know. WHERE ARE THEY? Before you offer, we have checked Craigslist. Same thing. Our neighborhood is full of pugs, dachshunds, and similar tiny things, and the above stated giant mixed guard dogs. Nothing in between.
- New Mexicans are nuts when it comes to their chiles. I bought some dried mango chips to put in a pound cake I’m making (tropical flavors), and it’s dusted with chiles. Just a little kick with your dessert folks. Just a kick.
- You may have sand burrs where you live. Vicious little things, that will make you scream in pain should you step on one. But here? Oh they have nothing quite that tame. No they call them goat heads here, and they are hard as a rock, and have spines that will penetrate to the heart. Seriously they will penetrate bicycle tires and thin soled shoes. I have to pick a half-dozen out of each sneaker after my walk every day.
- Do the bonnets that the water polo men wear look silly or what?
- Why don’t the gymnasts all wear white uniforms since before long their colorful garb is coated and smeared with chalk. And sometimes in places that are somewhat embarrassing–women’s uneven bars leave a mark in a very conspicuous place, uh, huh.
- I’d like to get into the mind that decided that it would be fun to pick up heavy things, and then heavier, and then give yourself a hernia trying to pick up a thing that has no other use whatsoever except to be picked up and moved.
- Romney’s European visit reminds me mostly of Chevy Chase and European Vacation. Ricky Gervais tweeted that his show “Idiots Abroad” was on with new episodes. I wrote back that at first I thought he was talking about Romney.
So, phew, that feels ever so much better.
I feel pounds lighter. I may have discovered a new dieting technique.
Now let me take all this lint bundle out and cast it to the four winds.